Few people actually know this, but we can learn a lot about our own level of gullibility from really cool puddles in the middle of the street, and that one right over there is no exception.
Go on, take a look for yourself. See what it has to say about your readiness to believe almost anything.
You’re Super, Super Gullible: See the way your eyes furrow in confusion as you stare down into this crazy awesome puddle in the middle of the road? Yeah, that means you’re super gullible and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s okay though. Many gullible people lead perfectly normal lives as gigolos and werewolf hunters.
Most People Are Able to Successfully Trick You Into Doing Something Stupid: Notice how the water in this truly amazing puddle ripples when you get down on your knees and blow on it like a bowl of soup—those ripples are a tell-tale sign that just about anyone can successfully trick you into doing something incredibly stupid.
You’ve probably already been made a fool of without having known it. Keep your eyes peeled for those smooth-talking swindlers, and be sure that whenever you see a puddle of water in a busy street, you run out to it to make sure they’re not following you.
Drinking about 16 oz. of the puddle water will further enhance your ability to detect a no-good con artist trying to take advantage you for their own amusement.
Your Gullibility Makes It More Likely You’ll Be Hit By a Car: This may be a tough pill to swallow, but if you concentrate on looking straight down at this incredibly badass puddle of water—really focus on trying to figure out what it has to say while ignoring the honks and sounds of car engines whizzing by—you’ll see that your gullibility clearly puts you at a higher risk of being hit by a car.
The average Joe’s chance of getting splattered by a motor vehicle hovers at around 2-3%, but if you take a good hard look at the unique shape and texture of this remarkable puddle in the middle of the street, it becomes quite plain that the likelihood of you being killed by a car is closer to 75%.
Trust me when I say those odds are… you know what. They’re actually in your favor. Good for you.
Your Gullibility Leaves You Unworthy of the Puddle and You Must Throw an Expensive Ring Into It to Earn Its Respect: No way around this one. If you reach down, cup a handful of really cool puddle water and splash it on your face—you will feel that your gullibility leaves you totally unworthy of this sexy puddle and you must throw a very expensive ring into it to earn back its love and respect. I’ve heard it likes yellow sapphires. Don’t get it something cheap, or else it won’t like you anymore.
Your Gullibility Is So Severe That as Soon as the Puddle Disappears, You Will Die: It may seem extreme, but to find out how gullible you truly are, take out your phone and submerge it in some of that fucking rad puddle water. If it short-circuits when you take it out, it means your gullibility level is so severe that your own life is tied to that of the puddle’s. As soon as the puddle evaporates, so will you.
Sad? Yes, but to be so intimately connected to such a smart and sophisticated puddle is very special thing.
You should be proud! Celebrate your new life together by sharing your bank and social security account information with the puddle. If you don’t, the puddle might leave for someone even more gullible than you.