Being a bro comes with responsibilities, a code of conduct which must be respected by all bros. The Bro Code.
You know the rules: You help a bro move. You don't hit on your bro's girl, or mom, or sister. And you definitely, under no circumstances, do not drink your bro's last beer.
But what about the end? What happens when a bro dies?
Here at Bro Code Insurance, we are dedicated to providing after-death Bro-services to all of the world's bros. Whether it's because you don't have any real-life bros (IRL Bros) or are worried that your IRL Bros will have trouble fulfilling their bro-obligations after your death, Bro Code Insurance will be there is pick up the slack. Read through our services and contact a Bro Agent (Bragent) today.
How Does it Work?
Bro Code Insurance, together with our brother company Bro Code Network, will monitor the vital signs of our Member Bros and, in the event of death, will dispatch a Bragent to the Member Bro's house to fulfill the Bro Duties (see below). Vital sign monitoring can be done with a Bro Band (available in the Bro Shop) or with most fitness bands that pair with a smart phone (for a full list of supported devices see https://brocode-insurance.com/supported-bro-devices).
Our Standard Services (Bro Duties):
Browser History Deletion
Who knows what a bro will search for at 3:00 AM? Bro Code Insurance knows, so trust us when we tell you that you really don't want your Browser History to fall into the wrong hands. Who will have access to your computer after you pass on? Your girlfriend? Your niece? Your grandmother? Don't take that chance. Contact a Bragent today and surf in peace.
Magazine Collection Removal
Some of our Old School Bros might still have magazines that should not see the light of day. By Internet standards, most magazines are tame enough, but some would make Larry Flint blush. Your Bragent can recycle these at one of Bro Code Insurance‘s recycling facilities. And fear not, Bro Code Insurance is green. Every year we recycle enough paper to save a forest the size of Rhode Island!
Adult Toy Incineration Service
You are a modern bro and “marital aides” in no way call your masculinity into question. But, no matter how acceptable it is to have toys, once you die, those toys need to burn. And burn they will in Bro Code Insurance‘s industrial incinerator, the hottest incinerator in the Tri-state area!
Hard Drive Wiping
Don't rely on obfuscated folder names to keep your collection safe. Even leaving your computer to an IRL Bro in your will isn't good enough for true peace of mind. Sure, your IRL Bro might appreciate your prurient tastes, but you may also have content of yourself hidden away somewhere. No Bro should have to bear witness to a dead bro's O-face. Contact a Bragent today and save your IRL Bro from that horrible experience.
Our Optional Services (Bro Code Extras)
Romantic Writing Removal Service
We've all been there, bros. You meet a girl (or another bro—no judgment, only love here at Bro Code Insurance) and, against your better judgment, you write sappy letters or, worse, love poems. You were smart not to send them, but what if somebody finds them now? What if they read excerpts at your funeral? If imagining this causes your testes to retract into your abdomen, call a doctor and then be sure to select the Romantic Writing Removal Service on your profile page.
New for 2019: Robot / Doll Removal Service
Starting in 2019, Bro Code Insurance will offer a doll-removal service. Here's how it works: your Bragent will discretely, and under cover of night, remove any adult-use dolls or robots you have in your home, office, or gym. These dolls will be transferred to a Bro Code facility where they will be cleaned by team of Forensic Bros and resold to members of our Bro Network. If you do not wish the doll to be resold, please mark the “Kill It with Fire” option on your Bro Code Profile page (N.B.: selecting the “Kill It with Fire” option will forfeit your doll-reselling discount price).
A Final Word from our CEO
Although the services Bro Code Insurance currently offers are more than adequate for end-of-life bro needs, we are constantly looking to improve and expand upon our model. Be on the lookout in the coming months for brand new ways Bro Code will help you navigate our modern world. I can't reveal everything right now, but I can say that our new app will launch in the fall and will allow you to schedule gift delivery on the special days, send automatic text messages excuses, spoof your GPS data to show you are at a buddy's house, and much more.
I got your back, bro!
CEO / Founder
Bro Code Insurance
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