This program includes negative depictions/and or mistreatment of people or cultures. In fact, it could be argued that is that the central thesis of the work.

We felt that removing this content from the film would be like pretending it never happened. Which it did. So too did the Holocaust, despite the protagonist’s frequent assertions to the contrary.

Ordinarily, we would say that we hope the film sparks a conversation to help create a more inclusive future, but considering the movie has been frequently cited as the catalyst for the ongoing Angola/Iceland military conflict, we feel it would be best if the arguments raised in the film are discussed as little as possible.

This is also likely to explain why the film remains banned in over 107 countries, including the United States. So, yes, we know that you are using a VPN.

In the film’s credits, it mentions that a significant portion of the film’s box office was donated to the Klu Klux Klan. Our accountants have confirmed that this is true. But, as far as we’re aware, we never claimed the tax credit.

As to why no member of the cast was ever seen or heard from again after the production remains a mystery, one that we remain committed to solving by working with the actors’ families and international government bodies across the globe.

Much has been said about the film’s director, Malcom R. Spitz, more commonly known as the “Film Strip Killer,” whose horrific crimes have been widely publicized. We realize that, in this particular case, separating the art from the artist remains especially difficult, considering his films played a very active role in his many brutal homicides.

While the film’s ten minutes of animation might appear to have been produced with human feces, we would like to set your mind at ease that the effect was achieved using the traditional ink and paint method. At least we’re pretty sure.

We would also like to quell the particularly noxious rumor circulating around social media regarding the infamous underground orgy sequence. No, the man that can be seen briefly twisting his nipples in the top right corner of the frame is not, in fact, Walt Disney himself. We acknowledge that it is a rather convincing doppelgänger, but we were able to confirm that Mr. Disney was in California overseeing pre-production on Herbie the Love Bug at the time the scene was filmed.

As to whether or not that is Pope Paul VI pouring hot wax onto the chest of Henry Kissinger in the scene’s climax, the company has no official statement to make at this time.

Additionally, allow us briefly to address the urban legend that those who view the film all die of mysterious circumstances within seven days of seeing it. Disney can neither confirm nor deny the validity of this, as nobody within the company has been able to bring themselves to watch it in its entirety.

One unfortunate employee in our tech department was subjected to a 20 minute stretch of the film while attempting to resolve an upload issue. While he has, indeed, remained bedridden ever since, clawing at his eyes and cursing in fluent Latin, it is unclear how much of this can be attributed to the film, as there is still a great deal that science cannot explain.

We would also like to state that we are collaborating with some of the world’s leading theologians to determine whether or not the face spliced into frame 48,629 of the film really is that of Satan himself.

To help in our effort to find and eradicate all physical copies of the film, please sign a petition at www.Disney.com/DestroyitWithFire

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