A study that came out in 2006 shows that aerobic exercise increases brain volume in aging humans. A separate study from 2009 reports that standard aerobic exercise is just as effective as anti-depressant medication in treating patients with clinical major depression. From these studies, I have concluded that exercise is good for you. Read More »
If you knew me, you'd also know that there are basically two people in my life: the Asian and the boyfriend. So if you knew me, you'd be an Asian, or a boyfriend, and I'd have to start out by apologizing for telling everyone who doesn't know me about all the reasons that this is not altogether a bad or irrelevant thing. Read More »
The guy who invented the cell phone was a fucking asshole. Oh, sure, when the concept of mobile communication was first dreamt up, it was a glorious utopia of total connectivity. The reality, however, is that technology has turned us into a society of downward-gazing, slack-jawed voyeurs. There's a good chance that as we continue to evolve with technology, our elbows will fuse. Read More »
"The first time I had a wet dream I thought I peed my pants in bed. I was terrified," I said to my friend during college.
"How long do you think you'd have to go without wacking it to get a wet dream?" my friend asked.
"Why the fuck would you want a wet dream?"
"I don't know, to feel 16 again." Read More »
So it's that wonderful time of year again. The time of year when we reflect on the few good times shared by pilgrims and Native Americans, when turkeys become the "it girl" of family meals, and when many people travel back to their hometowns to celebrate a great holiday I like to call: Thanksgiving. Read More »
Hi, my name is Nick Hilbourn, professional English major. Anyone who watches any of the major TV networks (C-Span, BookTV, PBS) knows that literary criticism is an always-changing field of inquiry. In the past fifty years, all kinds of new fields of study have arisen, such as post-colonialism, queer theory, disability studies, and other useless fields of study. Read More »
The weather is getting colder, pumpkin is the new black, and your extended family is currently making plans to show up unannounced at your house. This can only mean one thing: it's holiday season! And what better way to show those folksy relatives of yours that you are the domestic diva they always hoped you would be (despite still renting in a not-so-great part of town and living common law with a penniless photographer boyfriend) than to serve the most amazing and traditional home-cooked meal they've ever eaten. Read More »
Throughout history, our religious scriptures, folklore, and even stretching as far back as cave finger-paintings that our ancestors' dads probably wouldn't hang on the refrigerator no matter how many stars Miss Williams put on them, have been riddled with mentions of ghosts, goblins, and gay marriage, as well as other horrifying propositions. Before you dismiss superstition as a sentiment of the past, you may be further spooked to hear that even today, 45% of Americans believe that ghosts are real, 55% of Americans do NOT think marriage should be exclusively between a man and his lack of options because he didn't wear a condom, and my dad still hasn't hung anything on the fridge you cold, cold bastard. Read More »
"The Texas Senate barred women from bringing feminine hygiene products into the Senate Chambers .... The decision was made because feminine hygiene products could be thrown at lawmakers.... The DPS added that the inspections [of bags] have turned up ‘one jar suspected to contain urine [and] 18 jars suspected to contain feces.'" -Global Post Read More »
Films are a form of entertainment. Occasionally, though, between the explosions and valleys of sharknados, there is the occasional life lesson to be found. These lessons are what help elevate film to a higher art form, and can teach us about life, love, and how to correctly dispose of a genocidal alien military leader who has just escaped the phantom zone. Read More »
1. Pick a covert restaurant for taking out your extracurricular girls.
First thing you need to do is stake out your own batcave, an obscure but appropriate restaurant you can take your other girls to. This one seems obvious, but you'd be surprised how many people fuck it up. How many dickheads do you know who've been caught cheating because they just had to go to "Endless Shrimp" night at Red Lobster with their floozy? And who needs to start with shrimp when the whole thing ends in crabs anyway? Maybe the seafood is just to prepare the pallet for what it will be eating after dinner. Read More »
Education is a life-long process. At each stage of human development, we continue to learn new and fascinating things about ourselves, other people, and the world around us. From childhood to adulthood, we acquire knowledge that helps us grow and mature as individuals. However, if education is a life-long process, then unfortunately, assessment is also. Read More »
I have to be honest, I have never been what is traditionally considered "lucky in love"—I had a childhood sweetheart who I basically became obsessed with when she did the French thing of greeting me with a kiss on the cheek, for which I almost immediately fell head over heels, my face at the time riddled with acne. Read More »
I don't consider myself the type of guy who sends a picture of his dick to a girl, but somehow my friend Danny convinced me otherwise. Dan said he sent one to a girl he liked and she was all over him the next time they hung out. He told me, "Girls just need to see what they're getting into. Or what's getting into them I guess. They don't like to be surprised with a weird-looking dick. Read More »
We're hee-eeere! That's right, Trick n' Teabaggers (hey, you celebrate your way, I'll celebrate mine), Andrei "Eli Roth's" Trostel and Gavin "Colton Haynes' Official Stalker" Pitt are back for another Teufelsnacht Tag Team of Terror. Halloweens past have seen us co-battle cinema's most comely vampires, warlocks, werewolves, and zombies. This year we're grabbing our white sheets (I stole mine from George Zimmerman—it even had eyeholes already cut out!) and harassing Whoopi Goldberg to be our ethereal go-between (much like the Oscars team does every year) as we polish our (crystal) balls and tackle the top 5 sexiest male ghosts. Read More »
Nothing says Happy Halloween like ethereal women who haunt your mind with nothing more than their appearance. Halloween is a special time of year that causes people to behave and act in ways that are seemingly out of character and other worldly. Or are they? Read More »
My friend was recently telling us about the 156-question standardized compatibility test he and his fiancé were required to take by their parish as part of a pre-cana course. The questions encompassed topics including finances, sex, lifestyle expectations, and gender roles. Read More »
BRAIN: Do we really need another tattoo?
KC: Yes. Now shut up.
JUNK: I bet the ladies are going to love this one.
BRAIN: Dude, no they're not. Read More »
I was born in the 80's but brought up in the 90's. That means that, in theory, I got the best of both worlds—everything was "eXtreme!" and Calvin Harris would still do things to my mouth after checking the appropriate birth certificate. Read More »
I don't know about you, but I personally never win anything. And when I do finally win something, it's usually pretty awful. So awful that I have found that it is possible to win something but at the same time be a failure in the eyes of society—which is cool if you don't care about other people's opinions, but for the rest of us popularity sluts, please continue reading. Read More »