When I was 13 or 14, my mom took me on a weekend trip to go back-to-school shopping and have guided discussions about sexual purity from a man on a cassette tape that read from the Bible and explained things like how boys like girls with large round breasts and why we feel funny urges in our private parts. Read More »

Ordinary People, Dances with Wolves, Forrest Gump—we've all sat with disappointment on Oscar night as the wrong picture ends up with the Best Picture piece of gold. It's not something that would easily be fixed by shaking up those who cast the votes for the Academy. Read More »

Two weekends ago, at a friend's party, I found myself in the middle of several awkward moments involving a very unattractive man. From the moment he screamed, "Hey redhead! What's yo name, redhead?!" I knew it was fate. I knew I was not going to be able to escape. After several attempts to catch my name, he tried to woo me by making very low pterodactyl noises an inch from my face. Read More »

Ahh Halloween. I love it so much. The only night of the year where girls can go out in the outfits usually reserved only for the bedroom. Outfits that if parents even knew they owned would cause mothers everywhere to sob uncontrollably and fathers' heads to explode and rain down upon the ground in a flurry of rage and where-did-I-go-wrong shock. Read More »

Top 5 Sexiest Female Vampires
By Andrei Trostel

Nothing says Happy Halloween like sultry vampiric vixens. Us straight guys really only watch vampire movies and shows for one of two reasons: the occasional scantily clad hottie, dressed in all black, that you know for a fact will ravage you and suck you dry without giving it a second thought; or the idea of actually being an eternally young, hot, powerful vampire yourself and seducing, taking and having whatever woman you desire, who is left powerless simply by the superior strength of your mind. Read More »

I Eat My Pringles with a Fork

I eat my Pringles with a fork
...I don't know why I do it.
The crisp is broken straight away,
The fork just goes right through it.

Most people pick their Pringles up
And simply guide them in
But mine, they fly all over town
And hit me in the chin. Read More »