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Martin Stanley's picture

11 Groups I'd Like to Start on Facebook, But Never Will

1. No matter how stocked the fridge is, I never want to eat anything in it.

This is simple: no matter what I want, no matter if I have it, I'd still rather eat out. I could have everything to make tacos, but I end up going to "El Monterrey" instead. I've never figured this out, but I've learned not to fight it. Read More »

Jon Lowe's picture

Game, Set, Match: My Short-Lived Adventure in the Humanities

US Open tennis ball sitting in a puddle

When I graduated from college, I was a very confused person. They told me that since I was now educated in the Humanities, I had the broad picture of life. The theory was that, amid all those practical, near-sighted automatons who'd opted to attend technical school, I alone possessed sufficient vision to define the true parameters of man's social, moral, and ecological condition. Read More »

Erin Pesut's picture

Trophies Mean You Were One of the Cool Kids

Kid holding a gold trophy and wearing medals

When people walk into the room I grew up in at home, they probably first notice it's blue. Or teal. Or 13F-4 Chesapeake Cove, the color between Bristol Bay Blue and Bay City Blue on the 413 color palette. And then, they'll notice flowers, everywhere. My duvet cover: flower-patterned. Read More »

Wesley Jansen's picture

Acceptance Speech By an Award-Winning Writer

Bullhorn with a cartoon mouth yelling

Greetings, Ladies and Gentlemen.  

I cannot even describe how much of an honor it is that you have all decided to recognize my accomplishments this evening.  Read More »

Joe Welsch's picture

Working Out is Hard to Do

Guy measuring his belly fat

On my list of the most difficult challenges I have ever faced, getting back in shape after an eight-month hiatus from the gym would rank way up there. I wouldn't say it's the hardest thing I've ever done—that would be ridiculous. Second hardest, though?
Absolutely. Read More »

Martin Stanley's picture

10 Things Destroying America's Youth

Statue of Liberty with her head in her hands crying

1. Themed Parties

I have no problem with a Christmas party during Christmas, or a birthday party on your birthday...but sending out an invitation in the middle of April that reads, "Come join us for a Pirate Party, Nyarrrrr!" What the hell is that? Not that I'm saying I wouldn't want to drink a few beers wearing an eye patch, but are you fucking kidding me? This is why we have Halloween. Read More »

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