The Art of Head Faking Your Boss
With boss man bearing down on you, tilt your head to the left. His head will follow yours. Wait ten seconds. Hold the tilt like you would an ice cream cone.
I’m the “Him” From the “Trainers HATE Him” Ads, and I’m Sorry
I must confess: I'm the "him" that personal trainers hate from all those ads. I stumbled upon a simple trick to cruise past weightlifting plateaus and gain 42 pounds of muscle in just one month.
I Draw Him Naked First, To Preserve His Purity (By Dilbert Creator Scott Adams)
Before my pen even outlines his dirty, filthy Dilbert clothing, I draw the Dilbert naked first. To preserve his essence. To preserve his purity.
8 Tips to Avoid Queefing During Yoga Class
If you get stuck in a pose and you know you can't get out of it without queefing, simply stay in that pose for the rest of eternity.
If I Was as Good at Writing Query Letters as I Am Picking Up Chicks at a Bar
I know you have people knocking down your door to have you read stuff. That's why I propose the opposite: I want to read my book to you. Would you like that, Susan?
Can You Identify Which Artist Named Drake Left This Tour Rider Behind?
In order to respect the artist's privacy, I can't disclose his/her name. However, I can describe in detail the piece of paper I found outlining their tour requests.
Melania Hates Me, But at Least I Still Have the Support of the American People
You've all seen Melania being cold to me. No hand holding, eye rolls, ignoring, walking separately, bad, bad. But I'm not upset because at least the American people still love me.
This Fidget Spinner is Done With You Calling It a Fad
"It’s just a trend," say the naysayers, "they’ll fade as fast as Pogs." Well let me tell you something you squashers of sunshine: I'm not a goddamn milk cap, I'm the milk.
Congratulations! Your Application to Join My Cult Was Successful
Cults get a bad rap these days, but they're actually pretty fun once you get used to the smell... and me, I'm always around.
Random Picks
Clubbing Terms Pocket Dictionary
So you met a buttahead that caught the dragon, and she had a troll and a yao with her but they were nassatalls. Time for a dance club dictionary.
17 Signs Walmart is Seizing Government Control and Declaring Martial Law
You know something is up when the Walmart coffee is unusually fresh, and the deli features sliced human flesh of "those who dare disobey us" for $4.49/lb.
Top 5 Sexiest Male Ghosts
This year we grab our white sheets and harass Whoopi Goldberg to be our ethereal go-between as we polish our (crystal) balls and tackle the top 5 sexiest male ghosts.
Transition of “Chad’s Bikini Bar and Grill” to “Chad’s Family Bar and Grill”
After 30 great years, we’ve decided to scale back our breastaurant theme and make the transition to one of a more family-friendly restaurant.
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