Instead of scrutinizing the position of my butt, I would suggest admiring the lack of buttress in the position of my savings account.
Episode 2: After further inquiry we’ve learned that Quentin McCasey is part of an avid subculture of "Indoor Bird Watchers."
CAUTION: I’ve killed before and I’ll kill again. You’re probably thinking: “Why would a soft, soft teddy bear kill a baby?"
Oh lord, here comes my nemesis: the dessert menu! If I get a slice of the tres leches cake, you’ll all have a bite, right?
“Does anybody have a dongle?”
A Western omelette from a bodega served in a Styrofoam tray: You are a nihilist and people should actually be afraid of you.
What, you think a masterwork like "Swamp at Dawn" just happens? You think I just leave my voice notes running in a swamp at dawn? You fool.
Early paternity tests were only 50% effective: they told you that the child has a father, but they couldn’t tell you who it was.
I made a controversial joke at the annual National Victoms of Strokes Conevntion. Only half the room laughed.
I’m a triple threat: great at singing and horrible at counting.
A Western omelette from a bodega served in a Styrofoam tray: You are a nihilist and people should actually be afraid of you.
WELL GUESS THEY CAUGHT ME. GREAT JOB. BECAUSE I PUT MY BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS. OH GOD SO MANY FUCKING TEARS INTO THIS DRINK.
We cigarettes just taste better abroad. The exact science is unclear, but it’s probably because we’re free of toxic ingredients like judgmental looks from your friends.
After what happened last summer, I will not run after the Freddy’s Frozen Freaks ice cream truck.
