Women, stop what you're doing now and take a moment to get in tune with your body. Do you feel it? Are your ovaries quivering? Look all around, look to the horizon. The rapeocalypse is upon us, and I haven't been this scared for my uterus since there was a Rick Santorum rally in town. Read More »

On the eve of being my younger cousin's confirmation sponsor, I got to thinking about the best ways to celebrate for the young chap. I was unimpressed by the prospect of purchasing a "gift" for him, like some shoddy-ass gold cross he could wear once and then pawn at Cash-For-Gold when he turned 18 and desperately needed to buy some legal porn, guns, and cigarettes. Read More »

We thought death was the end.... It was only the beginning....

The Mayans said "You shall be fucked four times before the end approaches." Mayan Book..- - - . .-. -... ..- .-.. .-.. ... .... .. -

We are on our last fuck, of these last days. Should we give it to save humanity? Listen, as I, Kekedamus, prepare you for what's to come. It's the Rapeocalpyse! Buckle up, it's going to be a dirty, nasty, messed up ride. Read More »

I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I'm not allowed to complain about the youth these days. As a 19-year-old, I remember being one of those kids who made questionable style choices and used vocabulary that few adults really understood. And if need be, I still have the ability to transform back into that young kid who can scream pretty much any acronym or word and make it seem "cool" or "hip" (this is the only explanation I can really think of in regards to the #YOLO movement). Read More »

Jesus sighed as he gingerly removed the sweat-stained Agassi headband that had been adorning his plaits the past three days of travelling across desert-weathered landscapes, replete with desolate, crumbling infrastructure, withered, rusted cars, vans, bicycles, and motorbikes, and then of course US military vehicles and artillery. They thought that they could stop him. They had been wrong. Read More »

Alien

The film Alien set the benchmark for science fiction horror. Up to that point in cinema, aliens were all friendly, cuddly, wanting to make sweet love to you no matter what color your skin or the fact you only had one penis and they had three vaginas around select parts of the body. Read More »

I first started pondering the curious storytelling habits of the elderly while sitting at the dinner table amongst 12 other family members last Saturday night. The inspiration came from my Great Aunt Margaret, who is 87. I was part of a group that was tacitly trying to convince itself that our flow of conversation had not been completely ruined when Margaret had interrupted my Uncle John's story about his fishing boat nearly capsizing on Payette Lake. At about the top of the eighth inning of John's story, Margaret spotted what she believed was the appropriate opening for sharing her boat story, which, as it turned out, was actually a canoe story. Read More »

Logging on to Facebook is like tuning into Maury: the entertainment is horrible, and most of the people set themselves up nicely for ridicule. But somewhere in this sea of awful, there is something intangible about the Facebook newsfeed that keeps us coming back and checking for updates. Read More »