A brand new year is upon us, and with it comes the chance to get stupidly excited about all the new films that will be coming our way. We'll have superheroes, spies, sequels, dinosaurs, robots, reboots, and probably a shitty Adam Sandler movie or six thrown in to even it all out. Read More »
Nothing fills my heart with immeasurable joy like seeing the Twitterverse explode. The seemingly endless stream of tweets expressing opinions on important issues are what, I believe, makes this country not just a great country but a country with an extremely high sense of self-esteem. Read More »
Editor's Note: The following submission is presented entirely in unedited form, for maximum enjoyment.
Foreword Read More »
The Internet was a game changer. Michael Jordan was a game changer. Landing a man on the moon was a game changer. Women are game changers. Is tapioca a game changer? Sure, let it be so. Read More »
This summer I took the plunge and decided to set out across Africa, solo. Jason Derulo style. A two-month stint around Southern Africa by myself. There is a lot of stigma with traveling solo. Will I be safe? Will I make friends? Will people think I'm crazy? Read More »
To ask for a bit of sympathy for politicians is to ask for the impossible. You might as well ask for a chocolate tuxedo or for Naughty Uncle Bill not to touch you that way because you don't like it and it feels weird. Read More »
You know who you are.
We all see you.
We all talk about you. Read More »
There's no real easy way to go about this so I'll just come out and say it: I've switched bodies with my 9-year-old son and I don't know what to do about it. Let me explain. Read More »
"Religion" is one of those words that makes reasonable people cringe, like "moist" or "BFF." While I personally do not adhere to any religion, or even the idea that religions should exist, I do believe that parts of them are very interesting. Not all parts of them. I can't stress that enough. Read More »
Another year is gone and yet again we leave the past behind us and look to the future, which I'm sure included reading this article about some of the things I'm looking forward to. Shhhh, just go with it and keep reading, it's certainly better than lamenting over the fact that you will never again experience a date with consecutive numbers in your lifetime. Oh, you didn't realize that, well no use crying over it now, let's just move on... Read More »
My passport needed to be renewed. I didn't want to do it, but I made an appointment on my day off to meet with the proper authorities. I brought all the required material, fought my way through LA traffic, and arrived 15 minutes before my appointment. I made no plans with friends until well after the agency's 5pm closing time. I brought my iPad, knitting needles, and a brown bag lunch, anticipating an entire wasted day of my life. Read More »
In the wake of recent attacks on freedom of speech, we should all take a moment to review what is clearly not acceptable as the object of a humorous barb, no matter how damned funny it is.
Race and Ethnicity Read More »
Bialystok, Duchy of Warsaw
24th of June, Year 1812 of Our Lord
WE'RE GOING TO RUSSIA!
This Pole has not forgotten Catherine the Great's soldiers entering our great city of Warsaw and slaughtering our children in the streets.
Now the valiant Emperor Napoleon and I come for your children, Tsar Alexander!
Together we shall partition Russia like your grandmother did Poland!
Dibs on St. Petersburg! Read More »
Getting fat is fabulous. This is true if you like not fitting into your clothes and having to buy new ones, getting chided by your family non-stop, and feeling down about yourself and future prospects for survival as a living person. Read More »
Not all stereotypes of the South are necessarily true. We're not all overweight and stupid, and believe it or not, we don't all vote against our own self-interest. It might even come as surprise that the majority of Southerners have all of their teeth. But we do all have racist grandparents and an unhealthy obsession with college football. Read More »
Calling all foodies, calling all foodies! I'm Clif Edwards (as featured on HGTV and Better Homes and Gardens), and I invite you to hop aboard the "Culinary Express," because we are about to take a trip around the world to explore some of the finest flavors available for your taste buds. Welcome to another weekly installment of Foodie Favs and Retreats. Join me for this 24-hour record-setting adventure to enjoy all the best pizza the Earth has to offer. Read More »
"Seth, who cares if your Charizard is a first edition? From dust we came and to dust we will return. Mr. Herzog says that in six billion years the sun's core will implode and the Earth will be consumed by the ensuing explosion. What I'm saying is that you can have my holographic Gyrados."
-Jared Read More »
The Barbie doll is an icon, a role model, and a reflection of women through many decades. Since Barbie's introduction in 1959, Mattel has repeatedly attempted to modernize Barbie's fashion and career choices. Once relegated to girlfriend status and domestic housework, Barbie has evolved into a modern woman who has pursued many jobs and professions, such as Architect Barbie and Doctor Barbie. Read More »
As a child, I was always aware of the activities I would eventually grow out of: WWE, wearing a Speedo at the swimming pool, and dry humping on a bean bag chair to name a few. However, there is one thing that has consistently brought me joy and laughter through the years: flatulence. Read More »
It seems that over the last decade or so, there have been as many ways to digest the news of the impending doom of the universe as there are actually ways for the universe to meet said doom. But how do we really feel about it? Do we read/watch/inhale the news because we feel we have to? Read More »