• New Comedy
Cole F.M.'s picture

The 7 Most Important Cosplays

The internet is absolutely flooded with "best of" cosplay lists. Hundreds of them. Millions of them. More of them than I think there have ever actually been cosplayers at all. And all of them break down into exactly two categories: Read More »

Sammy Sportface's picture

Why You Should Decapitate Yourself

It's not just the nation's $19 trillion debt that you will be paying back the rest of your life toiling in hard and unfulfilling labor.

It's not just the fact that there's this group of people that wants to slice your head off on TV. It's so much more than only that. Read More »

Anthony Greenlaw's picture

Maximize Your Life with the Rapid Immortality Plan!

Have you ever thought to yourself, "Why do I have to die?" Well, let me be the first to tell you that you're not alone in your morbid fascination with your own mortality. In fact, many of us who are afraid to die don't realize how lucky we are to be living in the times that we do. Read More »

Kerreanna DiMauro's picture

Top 5 Alternatives to the Bridal Bouquet Toss

1. DJ Toss

It takes a special person to be a successful DJ, but forget about that because you need a mediocre DJ willing to be jetpacked clear across the ballroom. Select a young college student with serious majors whose real passion is music and hire him or her! Read More »

Molly Grace's picture

4 "Sociopathic" Behaviors That Actually Mean He's Into You

You've just met a cute guy and you're wondering: Is he a scary man with the potential to one day angry-murder you with a phone book and then charm the jury into giving him a shortened sentence, or is he actually (gasp!) into you?

Sometimes it's hard to tell, but if you look closely, there are a few key differences. Read More »

Sammy Sportface's picture

Invite People You Don't Like to Your Super Bowl Party

Be different. Branch out from mainstream America. Throw a Super Bowl party this coming Sunday.

It's a novel idea. Read More »

Cole F.M.'s picture

7 of the Most Stupidly Expensive, Recently Sold Items on eBay

eBay has a magical function that allows you to see what any given item has sold for within the last three months. Read More »

Lenard Welsh's picture

Attention All Mysterious Creatures: Please Come Forward

Whether we're talking about the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, aliens, or any other suspicious character from the other side, there has to come a moment in time when an average person stops being thrilled by blurry photos and starts asking for something more if he/she is to continue showing interest in such mysteries. Read More »

Jon Plester's picture

My Good-For-Nothin' Uncle Bequeathed Me a Million Dollars, You Jerks!

Everybody, step back! Step back, I say! The rumors you've heard are true!

My good-for-nothin', deadbeat, dog-faced, extremely wealthy uncle left me a whole million dollars in his will—a million smackeroonies just for me! Finally, he did something that benefits someone else for once! And you know what he told me right before he died? He told me to make something of myself. Read More »

Andrei Trostel's picture

Five Things I'm Looking Forward to in 2016

So here we are again, another year gone and we're all looking to the future. Oh stop it, you really shouldn't dwell in the past, just turn around and look at the future with me. No seriously, look over there. Do you see it? Read More »

Mollie Gillespie's picture

Is My Roommate Having a Stroke or Is She Just Becoming a Feminist?

Dr. Bhaer and my fellow classmates of the Intro to Gender and Sexuality Studies course here at Sweet Willow College:

Normally I don't participate in class, save for when there are glaring typos on the slides—your welcome—but I have to speak up about a concern I've been having. Read More »

Cole F.M.'s picture

Why Donald Trump's Hair Should Have You Worried

Trump's shitty, stupid hair is legitimately the single most frightening thing about him. I am in no way joking, and I promise I will clarify. But first, I want to say what might very well be the most controversial thing I've ever suggested:

Trump is a smart person. Read More »

Larry Ryals's picture

20 Practical Uses for Donald Trump's Hair

1. Wildlife preserve for thousands of dislocated pine beetles and sand crabs.

2. Aesthetically unattractive yet functional paperweight.

3. Mother of all chia pets. Read More »

Marisa Jane Green's picture

Now Boarding Flight 1786 to New York's LaGuardia Airport

Happy New Year, Northeast passengers! In a few moments we will begin boarding Northeast Flight 1786 to New York's LaGuardia Airport. Going by the presence of all black clothing, oversized headphones, lattes, and jaded demeanors, it appears you're all definitely in the correct gate area. Read More »

Anthony Greenlaw's picture

How the Internet Ruined Hot Dogs for Everyone

According to the internet, hot dogs are trying to kill everyone. The internet is good at this. The internet knows how to scare you. And if you're the parent of small children, like me, the internet is downright terrifying. Read More »

Jon Plester's picture

Please Donate to My Kickstarter So I Can Buy a Hot Tub

To whom it may concern,

I assume you may know me as a co-worker, a fellow desk jockey, account wrangler, meeting attendee, or break room meanderer; but you more than likely don't know me as a friend. Read More »

Larry Ryals's picture

Hitler Takes a Facebook Quiz

For a dead guy, Hitler is doing a pretty good job of gaining an online following. His YouTube comedy channel has now passed both Shane Dawson and Fred, and he's up for a Clio for his Mercedes commercial. Read More »

Stephanie Brown's picture

Even the Animals Have Turned Their Backs on You

Have you noticed that your life has taken a hard left turn into the pits of hell? Your friends are no longer returning your phone calls. For months, your boss has been giving you the crappiest assignments in the office. Now, your animal companions and other members of the animal kingdom are trying to distance themselves from you. Read More »

Maps Levine's picture

I Ran So Fast to My Parking Meter That I Ripped Open a Wormhole in Time

Hey, you awake? Good. Listen, we don't have much time. I know what you're feeling. I know you're confused.

The only thing you really gotta know is that we're with the resistance, and if we don't get enough quarters into the Meter Colossus before sundown tomorrow, we're all gonna get handed life's final parking ticket: death. Now, do you want to pay the fine? Read More »

Lisa Woods's picture

My Favorite Moments of Family Holiday Chaos

Famarchy /fam-er-kee/ n. The (arguably amusing) utter chaos into which your offbeat loved ones inevitably descend within the first 12-18 hours of each ill-fated reunion. Variation of "anarchy."

Usage: The last 12 Woods family reunions ended in sheer famarchy, complete with awkward slip-ups and public-venue-silencing verbal brawls. Read More »