The Art of Head Faking Your Boss
With boss man bearing down on you, tilt your head to the left. His head will follow yours. Wait ten seconds. Hold the tilt like you would an ice cream cone.
I’m the “Him” From the “Trainers HATE Him” Ads, and I’m Sorry
I must confess: I'm the "him" that personal trainers hate from all those ads. I stumbled upon a simple trick to cruise past weightlifting plateaus and gain 42 pounds of muscle in just one month.
I Draw Him Naked First, To Preserve His Purity (By Dilbert Creator Scott Adams)
Before my pen even outlines his dirty, filthy Dilbert clothing, I draw the Dilbert naked first. To preserve his essence. To preserve his purity.
8 Tips to Avoid Queefing During Yoga Class
If you get stuck in a pose and you know you can't get out of it without queefing, simply stay in that pose for the rest of eternity.
If I Was as Good at Writing Query Letters as I Am Picking Up Chicks at a Bar
I know you have people knocking down your door to have you read stuff. That's why I propose the opposite: I want to read my book to you. Would you like that, Susan?
Can You Identify Which Artist Named Drake Left This Tour Rider Behind?
In order to respect the artist's privacy, I can't disclose his/her name. However, I can describe in detail the piece of paper I found outlining their tour requests.
Melania Hates Me, But at Least I Still Have the Support of the American People
You've all seen Melania being cold to me. No hand holding, eye rolls, ignoring, walking separately, bad, bad. But I'm not upset because at least the American people still love me.
This Fidget Spinner is Done With You Calling It a Fad
"It’s just a trend," say the naysayers, "they’ll fade as fast as Pogs." Well let me tell you something you squashers of sunshine: I'm not a goddamn milk cap, I'm the milk.
Congratulations! Your Application to Join My Cult Was Successful
Cults get a bad rap these days, but they're actually pretty fun once you get used to the smell... and me, I'm always around.
Random Picks
Awesome, My Mom is on Facebook…
Friends, classmates, brothers and sisters in the human race, we are on the brink of a crisis: old people are starting to use Facebook!
Sleeping Keeps Me Awake at Night
They say that if you practice something hard enough, you'll eventually become an expert. Then how come I try sleeping every single night but always fail so miserably?
The Four Cocksmen of the Rapeocalypse
The lamb with seven horns and seven eyes (and probably seven cocks) is breaking the seals and unleashing the four riders of the Rapeocalypse. Happy is the man who reads this prophetic message.
I’m Beginning to Have Second Thoughts About Joining This Apocalyptic Death Cult
There's no one thing that's bugging me about the death cult; it just seems like every few days another annoyance breaches the surface, and they're starting to add up.
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