Amount: $40 Message: "Marketing fees associated with me blogging about this date." Rationale: He’s a weirdo, and weirdos need to be blogged about.
"You really think you deserve to destroy America after a test like that? My father and grandfather are rolling in their graves right now at the thought."
Honestly, I've taken all I can from the animals we call "men," and as a heterosexual man that's saying something. Those pigs have pushed me to breaking point.
Lurking behind every YouTube thumbnail is a well-camouflaged bear trap, waiting to violently snap shut on your already fragile sense of self-worth.
I didn't come all the way from England and finally get my own HBO program only to rant about an orange devil destroying our planet each week. I came to talk about guinea pigs.
Just last Thursday I was entertaining over 50,000 guests at my bi-weekly “Salute to Bear Traps,” which was meant to be just a fun, casual, and accident-free celebration. Oops.
Another day in the life of man versus his own brain. Sometimes it's a ball-busting struggle.
While browsing the craigslist "Missed Connections" section, I realized that I am the person pretty much all these people are missing so hard it makes Viagra jealous.
My dad cashed his F word chip in around my brothers and me with a salty, heartfelt "MOTHER FUCKER." All because he didn't know how to use a handsaw.
Last call came and your last resort hookup went, now what? Join the drunken herd in the streets and see if you can catch the skinniest buffalo.