The Pros and Cons of Allowing Horses to Become Doctors
Should horses be allowed to practice medicine? Here is a quick cost-benefit analysis.
Five People You Will Work With in Any Office
"The Lifer" has been doing the same job for over 30 years and, despite your complaints, still wears his misery like a warm blanket on a blustery winter night.
To Please the Gods, Humans Must Make War Great Again (By Mars, God of War)
The gods of Mount Olympus delight in watching the bloody clashes of human civilization. Seriously, what was that business in Iraq? Wars are for nation DESTROYING!
An Open Letter to a Distracting Member of Our Nudist Colony
Dear Sir, lacking a way to eloquently state my grievance towards you, I will simply come out and say it: your abnormally large penis has made it uncomfortable for everyone here.
Our Dissident Art Needs Continued NEA Support to Expose the Meaningless Striving of People with Regular Jobs
In-your-face artists who reject truth and beauty (but will never clean up their own mess) deserve federal support because they are more creative than you.
Fat Pieces of Shit are Making Us Fatties Look Bad
Dear Donald Trump and other fat pieces of shit. You're making the rest of us fatties look bad. Stop it.
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I’m Awesome
I can perform brain surgery in the dark, and I found the Higgs boson particle with an accelerator I constructed in my backyard out of tin foil and duct tape.
Chick-Rizzle McLovin’: The Importance of Going Down on Your Girl
As excited as guys get about blowjobs, they somehow forget that girls like oral too. So, guys, please stay tuned for this very important PSA.
Texting Pictures of My Bulge is My Job
By day I practice my John Wayne walk and by night I send my bulge out to my entire contacts list. It's an international duty and a personal calling.
18 Magazines and the Pitches They Never Want to Hear
Many major magazines outlines writer's guidelines of what to send, when they should really be telling you what NOT to send.
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