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A profile picture is your Internet face. And, just like your real face, it will be severely critiqued by every person who sees it, so it's important to get it right. Remember, even if your real face isn't great, there's no reason your Internet face can't be.
The Mirror Pic Read More »
Can you hear my heaving grunts? Can you feel how slippery my body has become? Don't worry baby, I've got more in the tank. Whether we're in a log cabin, an apartment, or in your incoming nephew's nursery, I can keep the love train rolling. But the truth is, this is more than sex to me. I just want to flop around on you for a while. Read More »
ATTENTION WESTWOOD HIGH STUDENTS!!
I DID IT! I've created fame. I've bottled greatness. I've put a stopper on death. Okay, maybe not that last one. But I HAVE climbed the unclimbable Everest of viral domination.
That's right, I have SEVEN THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED TWITTER FOLLOWERS! Read More »
If you enjoy having sex with girls (or "women" as the older ones like to be called), you will increase your chances of getting laid if you keep the following 10 things in mind.
1. Give her flowers. Read More »
So you shaved the sides of your head and you dyed the top of your head purple. Congratulations, you are now different! And luckily for you, you're now going to have the love life and popularity you've dreamed of. Now, your biggest worry will be stalkers, people sending you their body parts, and jealous assholes trying to send you anthrax. You are now...officially...hot. Good for you, Miley wannabes. Read More »
Do you really care about making money writing blogs? Or are you mostly into the joy of writing them, the pure artistic experience and then getting published instantaneously for the world to see? You have to soul search about this. Read More »
For years, you've been boring the balls off of whoever was unlucky enough to share your table in the office cafeteria, talking about your "penchant for early Indian civilization" (is that even a thing?). Read More »
Uber provides a simple, reliable way to pay top dollar to be kidnapped by a serial rapist. Let any bloke off the street pick you up, throw you in his basement, cover your face in masking tape, and suppress your screams as he sodomizes you ad nauseam. Oh, and for the privilege of having your dignity stripped, you can count on Uber to automatically include a 20% gratuity. Read More »
Okay, so you want to write for Thought Catalog. Great! Wanting to write is half the battle! Of course, lots of things are half the battle. Not wanting to write is also half the battle. Let's not win the battle and lose the war here.
1. Embrace your relationship with lists. Read More »
Editor's Note: The following gem of a submission is presented entirely in unedited form. Enjoy.
No doubt Owl is one of the most interesting birds that exist in this universe (excluding any alien birds). If you are an Owls lover then we salute your love for animals, as for loving this animal one have to stay awake in night. This is so because generally owls don't like to follow our 8 to 4 office time and do possess a parallel schedule for eating rats and making weird sounds! Read More »
Veterans Day—the day we recognize those who have faithfully served our country. And among the multitude who have proudly worn the uniform of the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, or Coast Guard over the last two and a quarter centuries, I want to thank several veterans in particular who stood in defense of this nation. Read More »
Hello readers of the community bulletin board! After the success of last month's Existential Sack Race, and the rising popularity of the Depression Dash, we've decided to add another event to our roster: the Emotional Obstacle Course. Read More »
Please check the appropriate box below, so that we, The United States Government, know why you chose to vote in the most recent election last Tuesday. Your answer will remain strictly confidential.* Read More »
We've all been arrested, and if you haven't, then you probably haven't lived life the way it was meant to be lived. Obviously, it should not be a daily occurrence, or even something you seek out. Much like putting Windex in someone's drink, it has to be spontaneous. That is really the only way it will be seen as funny and legitimate. Read More »
Looking at my father, I can't help but think where his life would be if it weren't for ironed corduroy pants and television debates. He stares deep into the screen as an Indian politician demands for secularism, clapping his hands in enthusiastically blind agreement.
"What's going on with all the fighting in Kashmir?" I ask him. Read More »