"You should always let your meat rest after it's been cooked," they say. That's what she said!

Last weekend, I pulled a golden brown free range chicken off the BBQ for our dinner guests and my wife said, "You can't cut it now. Leave it for a bit, it has to rest." Read More »

Listen up, you who have wandered from the straight and narrow of the internet: follow me and I will show you the hell that awaits those who misuse the great social networks. Heed my warnings, for the fate of these wretches will be your own if you do not cease your wicked ways. (Note: you won't find any cyber bullies or their ilk here. They get sent on to real hell. No one wants those jerks around.) Read More »

It's difficult to argue a case for celebrities: why we need them, what good they do, and why we shouldn't rummage through their bins and sniff their dirty underwear. It seems that most people seem to loathe celebrities, when asked. Everyone has their own makeshift dartboard with some grinning bastard's photo covering the bull. Read More »

1. 12 years of Catholic school.


2. Kendrick Lamar not winning at last year's Grammy's.


3. Macklemore winning at last year's Grammy's.


4. The Grammy's still being broadcast.


5. Haters named Jeremy, Stephen, Kenneth, Julie, Michelle, Sarah, Esther, Eric and Marcus. Oh and Chris and the other Stephen.
Read More »

Hey, hi Admiral. You enjoying the swamp rat jerky? Great...

Listen, we need to have a talk. We all agree you're doing a super job as admiral, but we'd appreciate it if you could stop yelling "It's a trap!" at least for the rest of the hunting trip. Read More »

Hello, my name is Otto Querrec. You may know me as AutoCorrect. That was not a verbal pothole. I AM AUTOCORRECT. Read More »

It's strange that every time a pretty twenty-something-year-old non-celebrity white girl is on the cover of PEOPLE Magazine, I assume they have either killed their child or are sleeping with the starting quarterback of the seventh grade football team. This is what reality television is doing to our society, or else I've watched far too many interviews with Nancy Grace. Regardless, those were the first thoughts that passed through my mind when I saw an issue last fall featuring 29-year-old Brittany Maynard on the cover (right next to a smiling Mr. and Mrs. Clooney), right before, Damn it, where were these teachers when I was in middle school?! Read More »

I sigh wearily and gaze out onto the cobbled streets below. I see two young boys play fighting as their mother admonishes them. "Ahh, the innocence of youth," I lament. "You've got all the time in the world, boys. All the time in the world." A single tear rolls down my cheek. All the time in the world... Read More »

You can pursue other endeavors after golf, Tiger. You don't have to keep hiring new swing coaches to adjust your technique. The ones you've been toiling with during the past few years are swinging at air. You are confused, but it's part of the human condition. We all get confused. Read More »

Dear Crimson Caricatures,

First off, I just wanted to say I'm a long-time fan, first-time writer, and former face owner. Read More »

Distressingly, some Americans, as well as employees of Buzzfeed (a "feed"), have just as much difficulty identifying the U.S.'s "51st state" (that is, Canada) as they have identifying their own country, the name of which I'm blanking on. Read More »

#Winterishere.

#LetsguzzlegallonsofBaileysIrishCreambythefire #becauseitasteslikespikedchocolatemilk.

#Wherearewegoingwiththis?#

Our lives have been distilled to one symbol: #. #Yousseethe#hashtageverywhere. Read More »

Education is a life-long process. At each stage of human development, we continue to learn new and fascinating things about ourselves, other people, and the world around us. From childhood to adulthood, we acquire knowledge that helps us grow and mature as individuals. However, if education is a life-long process, then unfortunately, assessment is also. Read More »

A brand new year is upon us, and with it comes the chance to get stupidly excited about all the new films that will be coming our way. We'll have superheroes, spies, sequels, dinosaurs, robots, reboots, and probably a shitty Adam Sandler movie or six thrown in to even it all out. Read More »

Nothing fills my heart with immeasurable joy like seeing the Twitterverse explode. The seemingly endless stream of tweets expressing opinions on important issues are what, I believe, makes this country not just a great country but a country with an extremely high sense of self-esteem. Read More »