Bruce Willis has two acting styles: 1) Being an indestructible hard ass, and 2) Kevin Costner. Bruce has bloodied and muddied wifebeaters, sustained repeated cuts beneath his left eye, and even seen a helicopter crash into a police car. All hallmarks of a true badass. But during a few points in his career, he's showed an inexplicably softer side. A side where he seems to coax Gruff Bruce into the background, and thrust Soft Bruce into the spotlight. Read More »

Do you often become nervous right before taking a really big exam? Have you ever experienced anxiety during an important job interview that could potentially change the course of your entire life? Do feelings of annoyance creep up on you during moments of extremely heavy traffic when you're already late for work? Have you ever felt tired after working out in the gym for three and a half hours? Read More »

You might have heard of the recent and original sci-fi drama Defiance from the internet or SyFy's fastidious marketing campaign or during sex with me because for a while it was all I was able to think about. And after finally getting around to watching the feature length pilot, a few things have struck me. Read More »

What is wrong with the world today? Do you feel it already? Let me tell you what's wrong: Everything! I don't even know where to start. Science? Inventions? Do you even remember the time when scientists were actually inventing something new? Remember the days when a single guy was able to come up with a light bulb concept? Read More »

What makes a hero? Are they brave because they feel no fear, or is courage derived from feeling the fear but embracing it? The following fictional characters have elements of both I think. Though only a couple could possibly be called "super" in a supernatural sense, they all display a certain selflessness that sets them apart from the crowd. I've focused the spotlight on those British few, who I hope may demonstrate that you don't have to be able to fly, or even herald from this particular landmass, to be a hero. Read More »

In recent times the internet has been swamped with rumors about the new Star Wars films. Every wannabe Jedi or Sith has thrown their blaster into the ring, furiously stating that it's their own personal favorite who deserves the spin-off treatment. Read More »

It's another dewy Saturday morning at another minor league ballpark. The sun sits low behind the rows of stands flanking the first base dugout. The only people in those stands are also the only people that can get in there so early—before batting practice, before the sounds of leather gloves popping and ash bats crackling. These people are minor league scouts. Read More »

We live in a world where a whole nation can be united by nothing more than a soothing voiceover from an octogenarian and stock footage of penguins fucking. And yet, there are still people willing to get all angsty about a fictional Italian plumber wearing the skin of a raccon dog. Organizations like PETA need to get off Nintendo's back and focus on the people who are really sending the wrong message about treatment of animals to kids: the creators of our most beloved children's films. Read More »

This is for all you "I'm a better fan than you are because I was a fan when the team sucked, and I have faith, and I don't give up easily, wah wah wah" people. Get over yourselves. Who are you, the fan police? No one, except others like you, give a shit about your self-seeking interest in pointing out the lesser fans to validate your own devotion to the team, especially the team or team owners. As long as the team is doing well, the owners will make money and the players will make money. It's a business, not Little League; it just happens involve sports too. Fans ultimately pay the players, therefore, when a team doesn't perform, fans can be as disgruntled as they want. Read More »

The number one rule of bullshitting: If you know you don't have the tools or experience, think of someone who does and pretend to be them. So for one evening, I was Laird Hamilton, soul surfer and fitness guru. But let's back up a bit. Read More »

Gyms are where we go to feel better about ourselves, get healthy and toned, and make us less ashamed when masturbating in front of the mirror. But if you're a noob, or someone who purely does it to stay in shape, some might accuse you of wasting your time. There are rules to follow, after all. Rules set by bigger men. And scary women. Read More »

1. You no longer care if you spill food on yourself.

You're sitting at home watching your favorite TV show, "Incestuous, Hyperventilating, Manic-Depressive, Lesbian Astronauts Who Form Homo-Erotic Love Triangles That Result in Murder," when suddenly you notice that you've spilled part of your favorite snack all over your crotch. Your favorite snack happens to be oatmeal and kimchi, so now it looks like you had an explosive, bloody orgasm all over yourself. Read More »

There are three things I really hate in life: making unprotected left hand turns, Dr. Meredith Grey, and fucking diets. Seriously, I'd rather be stuck in a pack of cyclists going 8 mph on the Autobahn in a Ferrari than diet. I'd rather wear pink polo shirts and frost my tips than diet. Read More »

I've discussed the art of the pregame, both at length online, and minimally ad nauseam in the Twitterverse. But there's something essential that I've overlooked. An idiot's mistake made by someone who once thought they knew how to pregame. Somehow, someway, in my previous ejaculations of cyber-blabber, I've neglected to discuss the "Shower Beer." Read More »

In life, it's generally accepted that math sucks, at least for everyone who's not a scientist, doctor, or mathematician. There have been numerous times when doing math has broken the will of a young adult, sucking the life out of him or her with every theorem or function involving numbers. Doing math is sort of like watching Beauty and the Beast... Read More »