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Michael Taylor's picture

Dear Black People, Can We Get a Pass to Say the N-Word for Bobby Shmurda's "Hot N***a"?

If you've been on the internet, Twitter, Vine, Instagram, or any type of social media this past summer, you've likely seen references to the smash single "Hot N***a" by Brooklyn-based rap artist Bobby Shmurda. It seems that this song became immensely popular almost overnight, thanks to the endless amount of Vines parodying it and its signature "Shmoney Dance." Read More »

Jerry Landry's picture

Why You Have a Hard-On for Fantasy Football

You get a sixer of beer and a four pack of Red Bull. You head down to the "war room," whether it's your buddy's place, or a "home office" you hastily created between your TV and a dying house plant. You peel the seal on the cheese dip and open a bag of chips. The warm smell of dormant potato air breezes by. Read More »

T. E. Samad's picture

6 Bizarre Things You Can Deep-Fry, But Probably Shouldn't

Unless you're a member of the Church of Deep Fried Goodness, or from Scotland, it won't be much of a shock to find out that the listed items below can actually be subjected to the sizzles and fizzles of the fryer. Just to be clear, these listed items aren't bizarre in and of themselves, but it's fair to assume that adding them to the list of deep-fried foods is far from... normal. Read More »

Luke Strickler's picture

Now That We've Broken Up, You Should Get Tested

Dear Katie,

Hey, how's it going? Been a while hasn't it? What, like a month today? Feels more like a year. But I don't want to drag on, so I'll just get right to the point. Read More »

Ryan OCarolan's picture

How to Score Drugs in 7 Easy Steps

Whenever I write an article or post a video, I can usually expect to receive a fair bit of mail. One question that regularly crops up is, "What drugs are you on, and where can I get some?" While the answer to the first part of that question is fairly straightforward (a cocktail of whiskey, ketamine, and paprika), the second part really does deserve a more in-depth explanation. Read More »

Janet Eve Josselyn's picture

5 Reasons Why Your Parents Raised a Pussy

Your parents were born in the 20th century, which explains why they are old and why you are only half the man or woman they were at your age. Many of those parents were born before Xbox or hands-free headsets existed and before Al Gore invented the internet. So they had unlimited time to explore the world around them. Read More »

Walter Bowne's picture

Excerpt from J.K. Rowling's New Adult Book, "Barry Bowler and the Waltz of Dread"

"J.K. Rowling has signed a world English deal with Little, Brown, selling print, e-book, and audio rights to her first novel for adults. David Shelley, publisher of the Little, Brown Book Group in the U.K., will be editing the work, which is currently untitled; he brokered the deal with Neil Blair of the Blair Partnership. Rumors have surfaced that Little, Brown was given an exclusive on the work."
- Publisher's Weekly
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Wesley Jansen's picture

7 Things You Should Know Before You Graduate from College

WARNING: The following article is not intended for mature audiences. It is intended for college graduates and those pursuing their degree. It is poorly written, opinionated, immature, highly offensive, and unsupported by research. It lacks thematic unity, and it contains extremely bad transitions. Read More »

Eric Koeppel's picture

10 Less-Popular Relaxation Soundscapes

Look, I get it, it's nearly impossible to fall asleep in a world fueled by 5-hour Energy drinks, Java Monsters, and Dewskis. But what are you gonna do? Stop drinking them?! Get real, man. What you need is one of those sweet relaxation soundscapes that your step-mom plays at her massage studio. Read More »

Michael Jenkins's picture

As a Clairvoyant, I am Able to— Hey, Where're You Going?

Hello, I can sense that there is something troubling you. It feels to me like there is a gaping hole in your family life. Did you lose someone close to you in the past few years? I can feel your sense of loss and I would like to tell you that everything is going to be okay. How do I know this? Well, it's simple: as a clairvoyant, I am able to— hey, where're you going? Read More »

Adam Fishbein's picture

A Birthday Coup D'Etat: Prince George of Cambridge Turns 1

Prince George wakes up very early on the morning of his first birthday. Unlike other royal babies, he is not shy about his desire to rule. He cries until his nanny rushes over and picks him up from the crib. Read More »

Mark Loper's picture

The Boy Who Cried Fuck

The boy did like to party. He went out every night of the week, and if he wasn't hanging out with his friends he was out dancing, drinking, or maybe going to a basketball game. Read More »

Chad Russell's picture

The Great Outdoors with Jesus Christ and Friends, Episode 2

« Back to Episode 1

I hate fishing with Jesus. Well, I abhor fishing anyway, but you'd imagine fishing with JESUS would be a good time. Not so. Lately, He's got this self-imposed restriction against using miracles during recreational activities. Read More »

Jerry Landry's picture

Goodbye Old Friend: An Open Letter to Khaki Shorts

Dear friend,

Remember those casual parties we attended during the gentle days of summer? Those cookouts? The golf scrambles? Those ballgames? Remember how orderly you made me look last Fourth of July on that rooftop?

Grand times, friend. Read More »

Drake Ramora's picture

How Anilingus Can Cure the Obesity Epidemic

There is currently a massive obesity epidemic spreading throughout the Western world. Well, I say "the Western world," but it's really only the Anglo countries of the Western world: Britain, Ireland, Australia, and the USA. So why is obesity not spreading through France, Germany, Spain and Italy? They have Coca-Cola. They have McDonald's. So what's going on? Read More »

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