Daily funny articles by seasoned comedy writers and fresh voices. Best of Year | Editors' Picks | People's Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
I mean just like, with the armed robbery in general, how do you think it’s going? Is this comparable to other bank robberies you’ve been through?
But, if I could offer one tiny suggestion, while you sound amazing, the song choice doesn’t show off your full potential.
Slagar the Cruel is considered a front runner for the 2028 Republican primary.
Let me stop you. That’s not mold. That’s ambiance. That’s character. That’s the sort of authentic, rustic charm people pay top dollar for.
Ya'll must be nuttier than a squirrel's mouth to think you can set up establishments WITHOUT proper certification and licenses.
Fantasy: Emotionally, I am more stable than a 1000-year-old Sequoia. Reality: I faked a cat allergy when my wife caught me crying at Toy Story 3.
Me say in day, “Only small fire this night. No add ‘one more wood.’” But me keep stare and stare and no sleep.
What I actually look like: I walk slowly and calculatedly because these shades are darker than I remember from last summer.
First, remember what you named the file. “Invention idea: the wheel”? “Wheel stuff”? “Wheel deets”? Maybe just “wheel”?
For the fourth time this month you’re asking yourself: am I on a date with Hall-of-Famer Shaquille O’Neal wearing an elaborate disguise?
Can’t you see how clean my oven is? How filed my taxes are? How very walked my dog is? And yet, the thing is still not done.
Instead of scrutinizing the position of my butt, I would suggest admiring the lack of buttress in the position of my savings account.