$6.99/month: Unskippable Ads. Unskippable intros. Unskippable character-building scenes in disaster films.

$9.99/month: Standard package for those living standard lives. Those living substandard lives will be overwhelmed.

$12.99/month: Access “Nex-Ray” on all titles. Like X-Ray on Prime, Nex-Ray presents information about the actors on screen but specifically is there to identify what actor your parents are actually thinking of when they try to identify the person on screen.

$15.99/month: Two secret seasons of Love Island and The Great British Bake Off where the casts are switched. American audiences may not immediately be aware of the cast change.

$19.99/month: Mute button is toggled off by default when you search.

$21.99/month: Scenes of no one recognizing Jerry Seinfeld are left in the final cuts of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. Bonus standup special: Eric Trump Live at Red Rocks! where the businessman/philanthropist muses on marriage, arcade bars, and the time he met Donald Trump.

$25.99/month: When searching for something to watch, anyone who rejects two options in a row without offering a suggestion in return is shocked by the remote.

$30.99/month: You may add one lie to any documentary.

$35.99/month: Anime can now be watched without it being recorded in your history.

$40.99/month: Every title becomes a choose-your-own adventure. Give Diana a hug as Queen Elizabeth on The Crown, fix a bowl of cereal on Chef’s Table, don’t eat so many people as Dahmer in Dahmer, the choices are yours.

$75.99/month: Titles are organized alphabetically and by genre.

$100/month: Cancels Netflix, subscribes you to HBO Max.

3:10/Yuma: A nice little cowboy film, everyone with hats and horses. It may sound quaint but there were two decades when Americans thought that was the zenith of cinema.