On Monday, May 30th the leasing company with the naming and likeness rights to Elvis Presley ordered Las Vegas wedding chapels to stop using “The King” as a theme. If you already have your flight booked and your wedding date picked out, there’s no need to fear. There are still a number of public domain wedding themes for you to choose from.

Robin Hood: Get married in the woods and then crash a wealthier wedding’s reception for dinner. Archery optional, but encouraged.

Cinderella: You and your loved one can get married in raggedy clothing, surrounded by birds and mice, and then clean up afterwards. If you wanted the second act of the story, you should have just had a normal wedding, silly.

Aladdin: To be very clear, this is themed after the centuries-old story! Indigo Robin Williams is still copyrighted. If you are eloping in part because you don’t want to deal with all the stressful admin of a wedding, just imagine getting sued by the goddamn Walt Disney Corporation.

Midsummer Night’s Dream: “The course of true love never did run smooth.” You wanted a velvet voice and a pompadour and you got some theater fucks in togas. But the love part is what’s important, right?

Romeo and Juliet: “What’s in a name? That which we call The King by any other word would smell as banana-y.” (Same theater fucks, more harlequin masks.)

Sherlock Holmes: Sure, it would have been nice if we found a handsome and intelligent detective, but it turns out that it is a lot easier to find a British cocaine addict. Still, he’s the life of the party… at first.

My unpublished erotic fantasy novella, The Slow Yearning of the Elves of the Mitundi Mountains: You can’t copyright what no one will publish.

One Hundred Years of Solitude: Admittedly, this one isn’t public domain. But it’s your fiance’s favorite book. Their favorite book! Surely that’s worth spending a little money on! And I promise you that it will all be worth it in that special moment when you stand on that altar, look into each other’s eyes, and realize that you were actually related the whole time.

Anna Karenina: This intricate novel has so many stories, you could find dozens of wedding themes. Luckily, this chapel gets to the heart of the story: horse injuries!

Great Expectations: If you are thinking that some mysterious benefactor is going to cover your bill, don’t get your hopes up. This place wants cash. Up front. Like, right now!

Death Comes for the Archbishop: Does what it says on the tin! BYO-Archbishop.