1. Low hourly rate.

2. Live in office.

3. Constantly dealing with needy, immature clients and their emotional outbursts.

4. Unmanageable caseload.

5. Clients call at all hours night and day.

6. Spend 92% of day negotiating.

7. Lose 84% of cases.

8. Briefly celebrate those rare wins but become immediately depressed because it likely won’t happen again for a long time.

9. Drink a lot of coffee.

10. Usually eat quickly, standing up.

11. Know a lot of stuff but none of it seems to help when the clients are crying.

12. Always feel underprepared but act like everything’s totally cool.

13. Quite often clients don’t believe you have their best interests at heart.

14. Spend many hours translating overly complicated language into one clients can understand.

15. Realized after starting job that a little bribery goes a long way.

16. To mitigate any necessary bribes learned to carry the payoffs in your pockets for quick, easy access.

17. Wardrobe could use an update.

18. Deal with other people’s shit all day.

19. Get vomited on way more than ever expected.

20. Lots of Dick and Jane talk.

21. All that education did not prepare for actual realities of current job.

22. At first optimistic things would get better but beginning to see how naïve that was.

23. Very little social life, mainly communicate with clients.

24. When do occasionally meet with peer group in off hours just talk about work.

25. Every once in a while feel useful, like you actually helped clients navigate a difficult situation.

26. Not above a little emotional manipulation to get things done.

27. Job looks a whole lot easier on TV.

Join comedy classes at The Second City: Writing Satire for the Internet, Sketch Writing, and Writing for TV & Film start Feb 29. Use code "PIC" for 10% off by phone.