I’m Dating (a Cup of) Joe and I’ve Never Been Happier!
I don't think any of my boyfriends have had such a positive impact on my life. You know, cup of Joe sends me off to work every day.
Tag: Coffee
List: An Ode to the Great Outside My Apartment
Coffee shops: “Ugh, I know it’s overpriced, but it’s my guilty pleasure!” is now what I say when I buy healthcare.
How to Make Every Interaction About Netflix’s “Tiger King”
3. Make sure to shout, "BIG CATS!" in a fake Southern accent every 47 minutes no matter where you are.
It’s Me, the Intern from Two Years Ago, Totally Not Begging for a Job
How are you? How's the company? I'm asking not because I care, but because I want to ensure that you still work here. You're my most valuable contact.
I Am Your Coffee Shop Realtor
My business cards are written on giant chalkboards with a topical joke that changes when I feel like it, and I send all receipts to your email.
List: How to Tell Your Barista You Got a Keurig
Pull your wallet out when paying and flash your cute family photos. Have the last one be a photobooth selfie of you and your Keurig.
List: Parent or Broke, Inexperienced, Mediocre, Slightly Unethical, Overworked Public Defense Attorney?
Clients call at all hours night and day. / Spend 92% of day negotiating. / Know a lot of stuff but none of it seems to help when clients are crying.
We Can’t Open Until Someone Comes up with a Bon Mot for the Sidewalk Chalkboard
If we don’t come up with an ingenious sign, no one will ever come in, meaning no one will share post shots of our killer foam art.
Don’t Talk to Me Until I’ve Had My Coffee!
Before coffee, I’m, like, a zombie feeding on its own, like… brains or whatever, and struggling to complete straightforward zombie analogies.
An Appeal to the Committee’s Ruling That Candy Is Not a Breakfast Food
I was never properly notified of the existence (and have yet to receive a copy) of the complete list of the committee-approved breakfast foods.
An Ode to the Lost Week
Maybe you’ve returned to your normal life and are back at work, arriving to a ghost town at 10 AM, taking a two-hour lunch, and leaving by 3 PM.
Hold the Phone, Wife and Husband Are Also Best Friends?!
Spending the night with your wife is now HAVING A SLEEPOVER WITH YOUR BESTIE. Dinner dates are now EATING WINGS WHILE YOU GOSSIP ABOUT NON-BESTIES.