“I asked Secretary Carson about REOs—a basic term related to foreclosure—at a hearing today. He thought I was referring to a chocolate sandwich cookie. No, really.”
Rep. Katie Porter

BLIGHTED STRUCTURE: A place condemned by one of the seven plagues in the Old Testament.

BROWNFIELD: A field where black people work, at least for minimum wage. Also a place where there's a lot of dead grass.

CDBG: A CD of the Bee Gees greatest hits.

COMMITMENT: Marriage to your lovely wife Candy.


DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: Almost stabbing a homeless friend. Or misbehaving and then having your wife make you sit in front of the Messiah-like painting of yourself for penance.

CONDOMINIUM: A kind of prophylactic less effective than abstinence and praying to Jesus.

CSA: That thing liberals and hippies go to in cities to get their produce.

ELIST: The sort of list you're on before you join Trump's A-list cabinet.

EMPOWERMENT ZONES (EZ): Any place where you can feel the power of Christ compelling you.

FANNIE MAE: A sweets store that sells the best chocolate.

FREDDIE MAC: Perhaps a famous black comedian, not quite sure.

FEDERAL HOUSING ADMINISTRATION (FHA): A liberal conspiracy to make everyone live in hippy communes.

GIS: A term that means you “understand most of what's being said.”

GSE: A member of the Wu-Tang Clan.

HOMELESS: A potential welfare king or queen.

HOMELESS PREVENTION: Strict work requirements.

HOPWA: A Native American word, probably.

LEAD-BASED PAINT: A good substitute for sugar in your coffee.

LIVABILITY: Could be a box? Some people make good shelters out of boxes.

MINORITY NEIGHBORHOOD: A movie with Tom Cruise.

OMB: That thing you're supposed to say when you meditate.

PMSA: That time of the month when women are “unapproachable.”

SAS: When kids talk back to you.

SECRETARY: What women do in the workplace and at home..

SECRETARY'S AWARD PROGRAM: When you compliment a secretary, or a woman, on how pretty she looks and ask her to smile because that makes her prettier.

SWEAT EQUITY: Good honest labor that doesn't pay in dollars but in divine social capital.

TOD: A stereotypical white guy's name.

TBRA: A bra for a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

URA: Something very manly men say before an athletic competition or perhaps a battle.

URP: The last name of Wyatt. Also a sound you make when you belch.

YOUTHBUILD PROGRAM: Getting young people to build something for you whereby they earn credit to buy food stamps.

WOMAN-OWNED BUSINESS: Usually an Etsy shop or a hairdresser. Or, if you're a China woman, maybe a dry cleaner.