The United States! Guns, amirite?

I did a lot of guns in college, but I’ve calmed down since I moved to the city.

So, do you have some guns to share? You know, for the party.

So are you a mass shooter? Or how did you afford to come to school here?

Oh, so your parents are mass shooters.

Wow, guns do kill so many Americans. But, like, have you ever partied with guns? It’s awesome.

Oh, I love Breaking Bad. Are all your chemistry teachers drug dealers?

My mom would kill me if I ever traveled alone to Maryland. We watched The Wire… Baltimore, no gracias.

The United States? I’ve heard it’s dangerous there… No, no, I think you’re wrong about it not being dangerous… No, my brother went there and he said it was dangerous… Yeah, I hear you, but like 9/11 happened there, tho…

I loved it there, but the food is just too fatty. No wonder you’re all fat.

I really wanna go to Baaaahston to visit Whitey Bulger’s grave.

Wow, Beyoncé is American? I just know her from the song she did with Shakira.

American women are so hot. Can you introduce me to Taylor Swift?

I went to Disney World once. It was too touristy. I wanted to see real poor white people who voted for Trump.

Maple syrup! Fish and chips!… That’s not American?… I mean, they’re all basically the same thing.

I went to a wedding there once… in CONNEKTicut? Am I pronouncing that right?

Join upcoming November classes in Satire Writing, Sketch Writing, and Stand-Up Joke Writing.