B I N G O
Nobody knows how to work the projector. Panelists outnumber the audience. “Hi, everybody—wish I could be there! Can you see my slides? Hang on, let me try sharing them again…” Session chair mispronounces speaker’s name. “Does anybody have a dongle?”
“So the title / topic / argument / field of my paper has changed since I submitted my abstract…”
(Translation: “I’m the captain now.”)		 Somebody uses the name “Žižek.” One audience member yells “HA” five seconds after a presenter’s bad joke. There are not enough handouts. Audience members sneak out as soon as the only famous scholar on the panel finishes her presentation.
There are way too many handouts. “Can everybody hear me OK? Is this microphone working?” FREE SPACE

“This is more of a comment than a question.”

 A “10-minute paper” is turning into a “surprise keynote address.” “Have you read X?”
(Translation: “Why didn’t you cite my work, asshole?”)
“Oh, am I out of time?”
(Translation: “How dare you prevent me from talking forever.”)		 The oldest audience member falls asleep and starts snoring. Nobody bothers to wake him. Speaker stops talking and chair is forced to ask, “Um, is that the end of your presentation, or…?” The presenters all brought their slides on USB sticks instead of emailing them ahead of time as instructed. Session chair desperately flaps hands to indicate speaker has been out of time for the past seven minutes.
Session chair is forced to devise questions for all the presenters who didn’t get any from the audience. “Let me play devil’s advocate for a minute.”
(Translation: “You fool.”)		 Most of those present are female. Most of those cited are male. “This is a three-part question.”
(Translation: “Let’s make this Q&A all about me.”)		 “Does that answer your question?”
(It does not answer your question.)