CAVE OPEN TO THE PUBLIC DAILY, 9 A.M.—8 P.M.

CAVE MAPS AT VISITORS CENTER, NOT IN CAVE (TURN BACK)

CAVE OPEN TO PUBLIC NIGHTLY, 8 P.M.—9 A.M.

WILDFIRE FORECAST: VERY HIGH. BUT NOT AT THE CAVE. CAVE WILL BE FIRE-FREE, AS ALWAYS.

HEAVY BAT PRESENCE AT THE CAVE TODAY. ENJOY!

ATTENTION: ESCAPED INMATES HIDING OUT IN CAVE. WILL STARVE SOON ENOUGH, NO REASON TO CANCEL YOUR CAVE VISIT.

CAUTION: CAVE DIMLY LIT. IDEAL FOR TAKING A BREAK FROM ANNOYING BRIGHT SUNLIGHT.

ALERT: CAVE-IN AT THE OLD MINE NEXT TO THE CAVE. CAVE STILL ACCESSIBLE AND STURDY.

GEYSER PATH ON LEFT. CAVE PATH ON RIGHT: SAFE DISTANCE FROM UNPREDICTABLE AND MALICIOUS GEYSER.

CAVE TEMPERATURE: 60 DEGREES, PERFECT TEMP AS ALWAYS.

CAUTION: CAVE NO MORE THAN 3 FEET HIGH IN MANY SECTIONS. PLENTY OF GOOD CRAWLING TO BE HAD.

DANGER: GEYSER COULD ERUPT FROM GROUND AT ANY MOMENT. WATER ALWAYS SCALDING. CAVE MERELY DAMP.

NOTICE: CAVE ACCOMMODATING MOVIE SHOOT TODAY FOR NEW FILM THE CHILEAN MINERS: WHAT WENT WRONG AND WHY IT WASN’T THE CAVE’S FAULT.

ATTN: DYNAMITE FOUND IN CAVE. COME GET YOURSELF A CRATE.

SEARCH AND RESCUE UNDERWAY IN CAVE: RESCUE CREW INSTRUCTED NOT TO HINDER VISITORS’ CAVE EXPERIENCES OR FACE EXPULSION.

BEHAVIORAL EXPECTATIONS IN THE CAVE: CAVE BRINGS OUT PRIMITIVE BEHAVIOR IN GUESTS. DISORDERLY CONDUCT WELCOMED.

ALL SOCIAL MEDIA SUBJECT TO REVIEW FOR ANY ANTI-CAVE BIAS / PRO-GEYSER EXTREMISTS VIEWS

CAVE WEDDING IN PROGRESS. INQUIRE WITH CAVE PASTOR FOR FUTURE BOOKINGS.

WARNING: BEAR SIGHTED AT GEYSER. CAVE OPEN AS REFUGE TO ALL FLEEING BEAR / SCALDING GEYSER WATER

GOLD DISCOVERED IN CAVE! CAVE JUST KEEPS ON GIVING.

WARNING: COLLAPSE OF CAVE ENTRANCE IMMINENT. LAST CHANCE TO GET IN CAVE BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!