– The Avengers win.

– The Avengers lose.

– The Avengers neither win nor lose, but instead come to a mutually agreeable compromise.

– The Avengers discover that the real endgame was the friends they made along the way.

– The Avengers wake up in bed, realizing with a laugh that “Thanos” was all just a dream.

– The Avengers mourn the death of Don Cheadle’s character, whose name we all know, so it’s pointless to repeat it here.

– The Avengers mourn the death of Paul Rudd’s character, whose name again we all definitely know so it would be a waste of space to write it here even though we 100% know what it is.

– The Avengers combine all the Infinity Stones to create the anime super-robot Voltron, finally putting an end to the Age of Voltrons.

– Just when all hope seems lost, the Avengers are saved by Brie Larson’s character, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.

– The Avengers are saved by Captain America, who flies around the Earth at supersonic speed, reversing its rotation and turning back time to the beginning of the franchise.

– After the Avengers finally manage to tie him up in a chair, Thanos is unmasked and revealed to have been our beloved Marvel comic-book writer, Spike Lee.

– After the Avengers win the final battle, the Hulk transforms back into Lou Ferrigno and Spider-Man is reunited with his girlfriend, Emma Stone.

– After the smoke clears, the Avengers say that great catchphrase that we all know and love and that we won’t even repeat here because we all know it so well.

– The Avengers discover that “Thanos” was actually the name of Iron Man’s childhood sled.

– The Avengers discover that “Thanos” was actually the name of Black Widow’s dead husband.

– The Avengers discover that “Thanos” was actually an illicit health-technology scheme run by Iron Man’s ex-girlfriend, Elizabeth Holmes.

– The Avengers look on proudly as Thor takes his rightful place on the Iron Throne.

– The Avengers all share a laugh as they dive into a pile of money—the billions of dollars that their films have made by convincing everybody that in order to be culturally literate you need to watch 22 different movies that all have basically the same plot, and if you don’t watch them all you’ll be on the outside of all these jokes that your friends have, like when they’re always saying “I am Groot” and then you try to join in and say “My name is Groot” and they’re like “no you can’t say it that way” and you’re like “It’s me, Groot” and then they’re like “No you don’t get it” and then you’re like “what even is a Groot” and they’re like “it’s not ‘a Groot’ you idiot. Groot is a superhero” and you’re like “what’s his superpower” and they’re like “That he’s a tree. Also he’s a baby. But only part of the time.” and you nod like you understand but you don’t understand.

– Everyone dies.

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