App – Abbreviation for appetizer.
Artificial Intelligence (AI) – Briefings from the CIA and FBI that are made of Play-Doh for a president who does not read.
AutoCad – A lonely womanizer.
Big Bang – Phrase used to describe sexual relations with an obese person.
Bioengineering – An organism driving a train.
Circuit Board – Feeling experienced by one who is tired of always exercising in a gym.
Conductive Polymers – People who transmit venereal diseases by having unprotected sex with multiple partners.
Cryogenic – One who has inherited a lachrymose disposition.
Cryptocurrency – Money paid to Southern California gang member in exchange for protection from the Bloods.
Dark Matter – A matter about which one does not talk to one’s children, such as one’s extramarital affairs, cocaine addiction, etc.
Dark Web – A retelling of the children’s classic Charlotte’s Web, in which a spider writes messages inciting mayhem and murder among a population of dull-witted farmers.
Elon Musk – A man who is fervently driven to make self-driving cars so that everyone else can be driven and he can finally relax.
Facial Recognition System – Mental procedure of sorting through possible names for an acquaintance one encounters at the grocery store.
Genome – A diminutive man who goes by the simple name “G.”
Google – To see the world only through one window, which is not a window at all but a computer screen.
Higgs Boson – Worker on a ship owned by Higgs.
Internet of Things (IOT) – Where online shopping is conducted. Also known as Amazon.com.
Laser – Person who lies on the couch all day.
Nanotechnology – Abbreviation of a phrase used by a luddite to reply to a suggestion that he look up some information on his cell phone: “Nah. No technology.”
PowerPoint – The moment at which a person succeeds in putting a large roomful of people to sleep with a slideshow of bullet points.
Quantum Mechanics – Overweight men who fix cars.
Search Engine – Procedure undertaken by quantum mechanics looking for the source of a vehicle’s ailment.
String Theory – A theory that can be run relatively cheaply.
Superconductor – One who can make music by waving a baton with or without an orchestra in the room.
Virtual Reality – An office setting.
Wi-Fi – Question a toddler asks before boarding an airplane.
Yahoo – A person who is so overexcited that he is unaware that he has been rendered obsolete.