Self-Awareness Goes a Long Way

Accepting that you are mediocre at best is totally okay because okay is the best you can hope for. When you stop dreaming, you’ll become more focused on reaching what’s truly within your limited grasp.

Find Your Fast Track
Sometimes you reach your destination quicker because you simply run out of track. Accepting your lack of potential early on your career journey will help you rise to the level of your incompetency sooner rather than later.

Never Compare Yourself to Others
A disposable plastic utensil would never compare itself to a solid silver spoon, so why would you? However, if you’re comparing yourself to a total failure to make yourself feel better, have at it.

Play the Cards You've Been Dealt
Seriously, who are you bluffing? The prize pot on the table isn’t even that big, so fold immediately and return to taking the drink orders.

Believe in Success
Success is what happens to other people—those saviors who generously give you the opportunity to perform mundane tasks for sixty hours per week to help them become even wealthier.

Celebrate the Wins
On your late-night bus ride home, as you tiredly scroll through glamorous Instagram posts of your boss lounging on a yacht in Monaco, allow yourself a proud moment to think, “I did that.”

Patience Pays Off
As you continuously refresh your inbox, desperately hoping to receive a meeting request for a job interview, other opportunities can fall into your lap, such as a targeted promotion for a discounted penis enlarger.

Take Pause to Make Smarter Decisions
Avoid acting on impulse—you never know when CCTV will catch you innocently sniffing a colleague’s chair, so you’re forced to change your name, move to a new state, and get a job in the field of career advice.