Both slain presidents lived in the White House.

Both presidents were natural-born citizens of the United States.

Both presidents were at least 35 years old but did not grow older after dying.

Both assassinations happened in a window of time between midnight and the next midnight.

Both assassinations were reported in the newspaper.

Both times people were upset about it.

Both assassins used firearms as a method of assassinating.

Thus, both assassinations were really loud.

Both assassins had good aim.

Both times, the presidents were not armed with a weapon, a shield, or a hat more impenetrable than fabric.

Both presidents were comfortably seated at the time of their demise.

Both presidents died the same day they were shot in the head.

Both presidents were not revived by a team of doctors.

Both dead presidents did not miraculously come back to life.

Both slain presidents were given funerals.

Both successful assassinations targeted men and were carried out by male assassins.

And get this: both male assassins were assassinated by two different assassins who were also men.

Both assassinations marked the beginning of a new presidency with an alive president taking their place.

Both presidents had wives and children that became widows and fatherless children.

Both presidents' wives had brown hair and witnessed their husbands' heads explode.


And now a quick joke...

I don’t like kids. That’s why I had low self-esteem as a child.