The 2018 Kentucky Derby brings with it one of the deepest fields of names in recent memory. While there may not be a Stradavari or Danzig Moon this year, there is still plenty to admire

The actual odds are listed in parenthesis. I don’t advise using this to pick a winner, but I also don’t advise against it. It's your money.


Your 2018 Kentucky Derby Name Rankings

20. Instilled Regard (50-1) – This horse was named by an angry dad who works too much and hates that his kids aren’t doctors.

19. Audible (8-1) – In this case, I want to see the list of names they didn’t choose.

18. Justify (3-1) – This guy's wife definitely didn’t want him to buy a horse.

17. Enticed (30-1) – Oddly, I’ve never been less enticed.

16. Combatant (50-1) – Finally, a horse named by your middle school nemesis Dylan who was way too into karate.

15. Promises Fulfilled (30-1) – Or what every political book is almost named.

14. Flameaway (30-1) – This horse is also a promotional campaign for a new brand of fire extinguishers.

13. Firenze Fire (50-1) – And maybe let's nip the fire theme in the bud right now.

12. Noble Indy (30-1) – This guy takes horse racing just a bit too seriously.

11. Bolt d’Oro (8-1) – If this name were food on a menu, I’d point to it rather than say it.

10. Bravazo (50-1) – Our first Ad Agency name of the year. Named by the same team that came up with the Hyundai Elantra.

9. Vino Rosso (12-1) – Means “red wine” in Italian and “try-hard” in English.

8. My Boy Jack (30-1) – Jack seems cool.

7. Lone Sailor (50-1) – The owner of this horse definitely makes his friends call him “the lone sailor.”

6. Solomini (30-1) – I’ve pronounced this name differently every time I’ve said it.

5. Magnum Moon (6-1) – What can I say, I'm a sucker for astrological themes.

4. Hofburg (20-1) – I’m intimidated.

3. Free Drop Billy (30-1) – I’ve never wanted to meet someone as much as I want to meet the Billy this horse is named after.

2. Mendelssohn (5-1) – There’s Gregor Mendel and then there’re all other scientists.

1. Good Magic (12-1) – If by “good magic,' you mean the 2013 film Now You See Me where a team of illusionists pulls off heists during their performances, then I’m in.

See new PIC posts via Twitter or Facebook.

Sign up for satire writing or improv classes at The Second City - 10% off with code PIC.