Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
Our universe needs a leader who will fight for you, and I am confident I will be that leader.
The average American couldn’t even locate their core, even if it was part of their own body, which it most definitely is.
The man drains my battery from the second he wakes up to the second he falls asleep, leaving only a few hours for me to charge overnight.
The whole restaurant glares as you fling your body away from the table like you’re protecting the commander-in-chief.
The 2-Month Regression: Your baby is developing so fast! Too fast, actually.
I am not entirely sure why I was so confident that this February would have an extra day.
Lately you’ve become… extremely cluttered. And not in a quirky, millennial-bookstore way.
It was a tough decision to resign from plugging images looking my most beautiful on the best day of my life, but something I finally felt ready to do.
I don't want to keep this depression seasonal anymore. I’m ready to be your year-round crisis.
2:44 P.M.: Sad girl where is my hubba bubblegrunge corporate bluesy Friday afternoon. Try some: can legitimate men wear muscle tees, what is a pre-nup
He ruined the endings of TV shows, some of which haven’t been made yet. He reminded me to shovel the snow in July.
Romantic pressure systems are likely to develop in the coming weeks and residents are encouraged to remain calm, plan ahead, and avoid unnecessary exposure.