Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
Now, front legs clasped, we surge skyward to a world replete with the bounties of over a decade of equality and universal healthcare!
Just where do you fair-weather fans get off not spending your meager savings on tickets to see a multimillionaire’s vanity project?
We take pride in our product. We know that there is no better feeling than tossing a big burlap sack over your shoulder after a big heist.
Bar Harbor, Maine: Honk if you love pine trees! So chic, so luxe, so full of rose-soaked French fries and whoopie pies for the stealing.
Instead of focusing on what the driver hit (a tree), or nearly hit (another tree), remember to notice the things they didn’t hit.
I’m staring directly at my feelings until my feelings feel uncomfortable and move away. I’m fighting over the armrest with my feelings.
Historical Building, Mysterious Circumstance Me: A detective with amnesia and a cauterized head wound. You: Want to fill my second bedroom.
Then I guess you'll either frame me or paste me into a scrapbook or something. Either way, I'm just excited to begin the next phase of my journey.
You're getting very sleepy... when you wake up, A.I. will make your life worth living.
And whose hand is this? Do we know whose hand is attached to this abandoned sandwich?
The Airport: For domestic flights, you should wake up at 4 a.m. and drive directly to the airport, no matter what time of day the flight is.
Any theatre professional who doesn’t win a Tony is dropped by their agent and forced to go renew their real estate license.