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My house got robbed and my tree did nothing. In fact, I’m pretty sure it gave the burglars the alarm code.
We settled our feud with the local breeder, and will once again have nine living, breathing reindeer on site as in days of yore.
What time are we getting coffee later? The Arabian Peninsula has always been one of the harshest environments on Earth, and 800 A.D. was no exception.
Please join us in the lobby to celebrate Christmas! We will scrounge up a folding chair or two and everyone will be afraid to sit.
How is it that my morning routine is simultaneously killing me while also helping me barely cling to dear life?
Nadine rips open the presents, revealing these primitive analog relics. But by noon, she’ll have forgotten about all of you.
This snowman wedding racket is a disgrace to the good name of clergymen everywhere.
You submitted some of your favorite pieces that we published this year, including plastic bags, grapes, and an active volcano.
You: Is there a financial component? Boss: Who needs money when you have the love of a decorated lump of minerals?
When was the last time my name came up and someone said, “Oh, you mean the guy who ruled over the greatest period of expansion in the Aztec empire?”
I’m on thin ice with my manager, Trayson, and I can't afford another marinara mishap. Please, my job is on the line here.
I called both my parents to tell them that I loved them, then I drove exactly 5 MPH above the speed limit to work.