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I didn't come all the way from England and finally get my own HBO program only to rant about an orange devil destroying our planet each week. I came to talk about guinea pigs.
Just last Thursday I was entertaining over 50,000 guests at my bi-weekly “Salute to Bear Traps,” which was meant to be just a fun, casual, and accident-free celebration. Oops.
A brutally honest portrait of the man you may or may not actually want to date. Warning: includes thoughts on masturbation.
I am Perineum, collector of moisture and bringer of grief—assailant to love and cunning puppeteer of adolescent boys.
Hey Ted, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but we are legally in a relationship now, according to my squatters rights as applicable to relationships in the State of California.
It's hard to know whether King Kong would have wanted this war to occur. But he alone will be ultimately responsible for causing all apes to unite under one banner and revolt.
It’s tough going from the head honcho to being a number 2. What do I always say? “If you don’t punch the hog in the nose he’ll make complex international decisions without you.”
Why would God deprive us of so many great opportunities, only to subsequently offer us lesser paths to success? Why would He do that? Perhaps there's an easier explanation.
Guaranteed ways to publicly destroy the reputation of enemies ranging from your former employer or romantic partner, to a professional rival or your spouse's psycho ex.
I watch SNL and I see me in every episode, but I wasn’t on the show recently. Haven’t in a long time, I’m not in the studio. So why do I see myself on the screen week after week after week?
My son is sick, and he needs your help. You see, there is only one way to cure him of the disease known as virginity: you must have sex with him.
Being bullied at camp is much different than being bullied at school, at home, on the internet, or at a Game of Thrones cosplay convention.