Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
One listen to HIM, the Finnish lords and saviors whose hit single "Killing Loneliness" contains the secret to living, and Gloom's gospel will quickly unmask the jolly tendencies you maintain.
It frustrates you to know I get laid more than you. I have chicken legs and a cartoonish beer belly. I have a hooknose and my eyes are a bit too close together.
ATTENTION BREEDERS! Ultimate Dog® can make ANY Dog a Horn Dog! Whether it’s a Lazy Bloodhound, or a Gay Chihuahua, your pedigree will be looking for pussy in no time flat!
No sense in paying all this money for Obamacare when the end is near. Expensive, too expensive, when we're all going to die anyway. You should love the AHCA.
I know you didn't choose to be so poorly-endowed. But you did choose to be an unbearable asshole, and I want to be clear about my contempt for your very existence.
Should horses be allowed to practice medicine? Here is a quick cost-benefit analysis.
"The Lifer" has been doing the same job for over 30 years and, despite your complaints, still wears his misery like a warm blanket on a blustery winter night.
The gods of Mount Olympus delight in watching the bloody clashes of human civilization. Seriously, what was that business in Iraq? Wars are for nation DESTROYING!
Dear Sir, lacking a way to eloquently state my grievance towards you, I will simply come out and say it: your abnormally large penis has made it uncomfortable for everyone here.
In-your-face artists who reject truth and beauty (but will never clean up their own mess) deserve federal support because they are more creative than you.
Dear Donald Trump and other fat pieces of shit. You're making the rest of us fatties look bad. Stop it.
Thank you for being so open and honest about your breakup. It sounds like there were many complicated factors in your previous relationship. So, are you ready to start sucking my dick yet?