Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
Remember the opening scene from "The Dark Knight"? That was one of ours.
Customer service is, as before, abysmal. It requires at least three begs, a yip, and an emphatic paw stomp to get any attention from the staff.
Try it again and think about every stock market in America crashing into fiery flames like the Hindenburg.
Tech Check: Celebs reflect on life, love and their rise to the top while being interrupted by their grandfather asking for help with his smartphone.
Mother say I need to stop moping around cave and get outside. So come up with a plan.
“This is my friend, Sherlock Holmes. He’s from America.” “Not just America, actually. I’m from Chicago.”
Claim: Most lawyers find that cilantro tastes like soap. / Foundation? Foundation, but most things taste like soap to lawyers.
Undergo hypnosis therapy: you can’t lose time recalling an actor’s name if you never knew their name to begin with.
Turn the sheet so that the elastic edge faces you. Do not look directly at it, lest it sense your anxiety.
But no one really knows what they want when they’re hiring, and that’s why there’s me. To get rid of people like you. Quality people.
Periodically you might encounter your double. Do not engage, especially for sex.
Pottery: This one is simple: the night your wife called things off, you drank an entire bottle of wine and "Ghost" randomly started playing on Tubi.