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You can’t convict me for something a parallel universe version of myself did.
I don’t even have the mental energy to try to win her back because your little stunt has put me in such an awful financial situation.
Or how about that day in April when I forget to wash the Cheetos bag? I fell into a fetal position, and I knew you were my soul mate.
When he says "I love you," do not say "I love free chocolate." Instead, try using the word “you.”
In light of the truly inseparable nature of relationships during this pandemic, I’m introducing Cupid’s Booster Arrows.
I mean, where else can you find crumbly olive oil bath bombs to give you that “wet pasta” sheen?
The card was so lovely, but unfortunately, I can’t show you it because there was a fire at my desk.
Don't be fooled by the New York City postmark on this letter -- I'm a Wisconsin mink farmer, born and bred.
Here at Barb’s, we think big. We think brutal. We think volume-discounted wholesale gladiola bulbs.
This apartment is in Verto Heights, in the only Swap Zone of the city. About 11% of the Salt Lake City apartments are in this zone.
“Would you like some ice chips?” Chef Aut asks me. “Ice is for penguins,” I say. “And chips are for Brits.”
I didn’t have a chance to respond as that monster of a machine came back around, running over a cardboard standup of Neo from "The Matrix."