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This new hire, a human-in-training or “cute smushy baby," has been rude, selfish, and has made zero meaningful contributions to the company.
You pray the gods will soon fill your hands with a warm United States Passport Application. Oho! It is not so simple.
Subsidies of children in wells: Kids aren’t placing themselves in imminent danger far from the attention of their parents/guardians anymore.
What do we do with all the identities people pay with? That’s none of your business. They were handed over in a totally legitimate transaction.
Bob Vila: Nazi Hunter: Bob Vila is back, but he’s done fixing old houses; he’s fixing the errors of the Nuremberg trials.
My kids like the Beatles. How am I supposed to criticize them for their garbage taste if they are also brought to tears by "Happiness is a Warm Gun?"
New arrivals to Limbo will receive brand-new iPhones that only show Instagram posts from people who have ascended to Heaven.
Tonight is definitely the most important celestial event of the century. Not months ago on April 8th and 9th. Nope. It’s tonight. November 27th, 1986.
I met you at a time of great need in my life. That need? More readers for my newsletter where I rank pizza shops based on taste, texture, and sauce ratio.
The blurry apparition behind me in the last shot is definitely not the ghost of my great x 10 grandfather, just a smudge on my camera.
We appreciate you're probably busy. And trust us, we're normally never this needy in ransoms.
In Unit 2, we will delve into how I’m sick of your stupid shit too, and pretty please fuck off (and thank you).