Antique Mirror — $500

Antique mirror, approx. 5 feet tall and 3 feet wide. Wood backing needs to be repainted, but as you can see in these photos of the front of the mirror, it’s otherwise in perfect condition. The blurry apparition behind me in the last shot is definitely not the ghost of my great x 10 grandfather, just a smudge on my camera. The mirror itself is smudge-free! From the year 1692 and appraised at $1600, but selling at an absolute steal for $500 if willing to pick up this week. Text anytime.

Antique Mirror — $250

Antique mirror from the year 1692, approx. 5 feet tall and 3 feet wide, in perfect condition except for some doodles (not a pentagram) in brown (old ink, not dried human blood) on the back, which can easily be painted over. See photos. Appraised at $1600 but willing to sell for only $250 if you can pick it up today. Definitely not haunted by the spirit of my devil-worshipping ancestor, I just really need the space in my home back ASAP. Call or text anytime!

Antique Mirror — $100

Antique mirror purchased by my great x 10 grandfather in the year 1692, approx. 5 feet tall and three feet wide. Back needs to be repainted but otherwise in fantastic condition. Would be an amazing addition to any home—looks great next to crosses, or hung with rosaries or other religious paraphernalia. Best if cleaned with holy water instead of Windex for that streak-free shine. Appraised at $1600 but available for only $100 for anyone able to pick up within the hour!

Antique Mirror — Free!

FREE antique mirror from the year 1692, only used by my ancestor for a few months before his untimely demise (as a regular mirror, not as a vessel for his damned soul in order to cheat death). It was packed carefully in storage until a week ago, so it’s basically a brand-new antique! Wood backing will need to be repainted. A $1600 value FREE to anyone willing to pick it up RIGHT NOW.

Antique Mirror — $10,000 re-homing credit

I’ve tried throwing it away and burning it and hitting it with a sledgehammer but it always comes back I will give anyone who takes this mirror out of my house $10,000 it’s all the money I have please for the love of God help me.

2 bed/1 bath for sale

Large 2 bed, 1 bath for sale in a prime location. Close to shops, restaurants, nightlife, and in a great school district. As the young owner and everyone in his entire extended family recently passed away in a simultaneous but entirely unrelated freak accidents, the property comes FULLY FURNISHED: couch, coffee table, dining table, and four chairs, desk and office chair, queen-sized bed, 2 end tables, 4 rugs, 4 bookcases, and a fabulous antique mirror valued at $1600. Don’t miss out on this deal—call or text today!!