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Choose a ringtone that’s right for you, your lifestyle, and your tolerance for the incessant cacophony of crickets inside your head jar.
Walk out: Just leave en masse. Once you're a healthy distance away from me, there will be no one to support my Multi-Level Marketing Religion.
It’s pretty classic admin stuff. Answering the phone, filing documents, keeping a calendar, making appointments, refilling the Mayor’s water bowl.
I don’t know why you are laughing and saying, “sure man, okay” when I relate to you that I had stunning paramours in every major city in Europe.
The Summer Person is permitted to remark out loud a phrase along the lines of “This town is so quaint” a total of (1) time.
Contrary to popular belief, women do not possess one utilitarian opening for all of their bathroom and reproductive functions, like ducks.
Goes without saying, but no rhyming means no sonnets. I don't care if Shakespeare wrote 154 sonnets; you will be writing zero in this truck.
Dad may not get a little sun. Dad may not “air dry.” Dad may not play his belly like a bongo.
Is it normal for my baby to be eight feet tall and have laser eyes? It depends on whether or not you bought the deluxe model.
The Palace suspects madness, black magic, or a bout of Royal amnesia, as His Majesty no longer seems acquainted with his Anglican upbringing.
The restaurant would tell you that a lot of my experiences were colored by my sloth, but I disagree. This could happen to anyone, even the slothless.
There are just too many beautiful people here tonight! No, really. There are actually too many of you and roughly ten to fifteen people have to leave.