Anthropologie makes it easy for you to live an inspired life by making our rompers machine washable. Just like you, this garment is beautiful, one-of-a-kind, and can be a little bit of a bitch. So if you’ve soiled your garment by accidentally dumping an entire boba tea down the front of it while you were trying to be “adorkable” at Coachella, do not panic! We’ve provided you with easy-to-follow instructions to keep your romper fresh and fabulous for all three times you’ll wear it.
1. Cleanse your washing machine
In the drum of your washing machine, tumble one medium-sized bushel of dried sage, rosemary, and lavender on your delicates cycle. Wait until dusk, then read the Hindu prayer written on the back of your Anthropologie receipt.
Didn’t keep your receipt? Look, this is exactly why we begged you three times at check-out to give us your email address. That’s on you.
2. Prepare the sacrifice
We didn’t spend hours curating the freshest internationally-inspired looks so that you could keep wearing T-shirts from Old Navy. Now that your washer has been cleansed of the evil spirits of less stylish clothing, it is time to demonstrate true commitment to your floral-patterned master.
Insert every piece of clothing you own that was purchased on clearance into your washer. Anoint your soon-to-be-immolated basic bitch clothes with ylang ylang and frankincense essential oils. (We recommend our Magnolia Sacrificial Oils by Joanna Gaines kit, available for only $67.) Throw a match in there, and watch it burn. Become strangely hypnotized by the flames. Please exercise caution if your washer is a front-loader.
After burning, vacuum out the ashes of your wardrobe thoroughly. A single speck of ash from a Kmart hoodie may compromise the structural integrity of your Anthropologie romper.
3. Wash your romper
Gently caress your romper, whisper to it your oldest secret, and gingerly place it in your washing machine. Ensure that your washer is set to the gentle/delicate cycle and that the rinse water is heated to exactly 67 degrees Fahrenheit. (To check the temperature of your rinse water, we recommend using Home Basics by Anthropologie’s vintage-styled infrared thermometer, available for only $92 in either rose gold or brushed nickel.)
Do not use any soap or detergent to launder your romper. Instead, remove stains by singing “Closer to Fine” by the Indigo Girls while your romper is being washed. This song must be sung in a campy and off-key manner as to make the stains so uncomfortable that they no longer want to be attached to your romper, much like all of your college friends last time you suggested “ironic karaoke night.”
4. Dry your romper
IMPORTANT: Under no circumstances should you put your Anthropologie romper into a clothes dryer. Shrinking to a microscopic scale may occur. By purchasing, wearing, and/or washing this garment, you expressly agree to hold Anthropologie harmless if you attempt to wear a shrunken romper and subsequently suffer injuries or death as a result of the romper becoming irrevocably wedged in a bodily crevice or orifice.
Your Anthropologie romper must be air-dried, preferably on an old-timey clothesline in a sun-drenched backyard while you wander around, barefoot and braless, with a daisy tucked behind one ear. The romper will also hold its shape more effectively if you have three stray strands of sandy blonde hair fall in your face while you smile coquettishly at nothing in particular. In a pinch, you can hang your romper in your shower and just whisper the word “wanderlust,” but this is not recommended best practice.
5. Romper after-care
Now that your romper has been properly laundered, it’s time to hang it at the back of the closet and be afraid to ever wear it out in public again, lest you need to go through this process again. You may want to slink back to Target and cry over your Visa bill. Anthropologie recommends that you work through these complex feelings by journaling. (We recommend browsing our wide selection of leather-bound or geometric print journals, available for only $27 to $39.)