For the first installation of "An Increasingly Drunk Guy at a Party Reviews Movies," we present a review of an old favorite: Independence Day.


Wait, dude, you don't like Independence Day? Are you insane, what's not to like? It's got aliens, stuff blowing up, and Will Smith! Okay, remember when he punches the alien and goes, "Welcome to Earth." Come on, that was awesome! And remember how the ship had a force field. That was such a good twist!

(3 beers later)

…plus it had that other guy. You know who I'm talking about. No, dude, dude, just listen for a second, he's the one from the dinosaur movie. Jeff…Jeff…Goldblum, Jeff Goldblum! Come on, when he and Will Smith were in that spaceship, that was so sick. And, Area 51, it was so secret and stuff, but it turned out to be a good hideout. Dude, dude! We should build a treehouse tomorrow! Nah, I'm just kidding, but seriously, a treehouse would be awesome.

(3 beers later)

…hahahaha! Remember when he almost crashes the ship, and he's all like, oops! Oops! Oh man that was so funny. Hey, you dropped your beer. (Imitating Jeff Goldblum) Oops! See what I did there? Get it? Ooooops! Ooooops. I wish I could write like that.

(3 beers later)

…spaceships the size of cities! Cities dude! WE BUILT THIS CITY ON ROCK AND ROLL! Ugh, I love singing. What? No. I will not quiet down if you don't accept that Indeplendence Day….Inemplendendence Day….Independence day is the greatest movie of all time! Listen, I may not be able to feel my face right now, but I could sure feel the emotion when the black guy meets up with that girl in the middle of LA.

(3 beers later)

…I love you man, I really do, but you've got it all wrong. Here, let me call my ex-girlfriend. "Jenny! Jeeeeeeeny! Remember that scene where the guy flies his plane into the spaceship? Wasn't that bitchin'? No, it's…it's Rob. Hey, do you want to come over to my place later to watch it or something?"

(3 beers later)

…screw you! The president was the guy from the Might Ducks! Look it up, I'm so much smarter in movies than you are. It is him! How else would he have used the Flying V do defeat the space monsters. I'm awesome!

(3 beers later)

(Words inaudible. Sounds of vomit hitting both the toilet, and the bathroom floor.)

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