I am here to tell you that viruses and black lives are actually not real. They are nothing more than psychological operations, trying to control our lives. Did you know that Bill Gates actually invented racism? It’s something he put in all the vaccines. ALL OF THEM. But no, you probably don’t want to hear that, because then you’d have to stop eating pizza. Pizzagate was actually named for Bill Gates. Also, Bill Gates is, in fact, dead. Everyone is complaining about fireworks when they should be complaining about pizza, which is the real culprit. These food manufacturers are putting pedophilia into our food and all you’re worried about is cops. The cops did nothing wrong except kill black people for no reason. Just because blacks are incarcerated at disproportionately higher rates doesn’t mean that the liberals can make us wear masks to protect ourselves and others from a deadly virus. This is America, and I have the right to die a premature death, on a ventilator, from a preventable cause.

I am asking you once again to WAKE UP. If you are sleeping, then it’s because you’re a lazy socialist who doesn’t want to work for a living—GET A JOB. The unemployment rate is high, childcare is unaffordable, and most jobs don’t pay livable wages, but that is no excuse. If I can live rent-free in my inherited house and post racist conspiracy theories on Facebook all day, then I’m sure you can find the time to work 60 plus hours with little pay and no benefits. Then again, the Supreme Court is now demanding that all jobs become gay, so that might leave us with even fewer prospects, as we can’t all work in the entertainment and fashion industries. At the very least, I would think you could get a gig as a crisis actor—the left is always hiring for those! Did you know everyone is actually just a hologram in a psychology operation created by Bill Pizzagates and Papa John? This is yet another reason why we don’t even need to wear masks.

Everyone is busy tearing down racist statues, but did you know racism isn’t even about race? Races were actually invented by the 5G phone towers to control our brains. STOP DRINKING THE KOOL-AID. You believe everything the media tells you about history, but also, Christopher Columbus was a humanitarian who brought us corn on the cob, which is arguably the best food ever, aside from like potato salad.

I shouldn’t have to tolerate the Antifa trying to give other people human rights. Just because there are disparities in education, healthcare, and economics doesn’t mean I care about anything other than myself. I don’t believe in white privilege because I am white and I think my life is hard. If you don’t think white people have it bad, then I guess you never heard about Brock Turner or George Zimmerman who had to spend grueling days in a courtroom. Sure, I’ve never left my all white hometown in my entire life, but I am the best person to speak on behalf of marginalized groups because I read articles from random websites with minimal credibility. Now please watch these YouTube videos of conservative black people agreeing with me because I don’t actually have any black friends in real life.