I have a confession and I hope you won’t judge me for it. It’s been so hard for me to avoid eating at Mr. Bawk Bawk since the CEO killed your wife. I’ve been trying so hard not to. Like, I drove by one last week and didn’t stop even though I was tempted. But their fries are so good! You can’t expect me to give that up just because your wife isn’t around to have an opinion about it anymore.

Besides, you’re not a perfectly ethical consumer yourself. You bought something from Amazon last week even though you know they mistreat their workers. So there. You have no room to tell me not to eat Mr. Bawk Bawk’s perfectly salted, double fried waffle fries even though their CEO Donald Douglethorpe used the profits from his restaurant to purchase a massive arsenal of weapons, including the authentic Japanese katana that you saw protruding from your wife’s chest when you got home from work that night.

Okay, yeah I know there isn’t even a Mr. Bawk Bawk in our town and the nearest one is in Toledo. But that doesn’t make avoiding it any less hard. I look forward to going there every time I happen to be in Toledo because the delicious fried food brings back memories of my childhood. You wouldn’t want to take away memories of my childhood just because all of your memories of Mr. Bawk Bawk are tainted with the memory Donald Dougelthorpe standing over your wife’s lifeless body with blood all over his hands and laughing the villain in an old horror movie, would you?

No, I don’t want to talk about something else! I won’t let this go until you pat me on the head and endorse my continued patronage of the restaurant whose CEO forced you to watch him tear your wife’s limbs from her corpse. Plenty of other people whose spouses he killed still eat there!

Besides, this was seven years ago. He said he was sorry and wouldn’t kill anyone again. I think you need to get over it. Accept that Donald Douglethorpe has changed and welcome those crispy– What did you say? He hasn’t learned his lesson? He’s escaped from prison and has killed more people since then? Hold on. I want to see your source. Oh okay, that is an accurate source. Wow, this is news to me. I just kind of assume that if I stop hearing about something that means it’s stopped happening. I wish Mr. Bawk Bawk didn’t taste so good, though. Then I’d have an easier time giving it up. Those fries just keep calling to me.

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