You may be wondering how I got here, and frankly, who can say? We’ve been in a pandemic for the last 10 months and time has become a construct. Truthfully, the only thing that helps me keep track of the days of week is my work, but that’s not the case anymore.

I woke up today thinking it was Thursday, but it turns out it might be Tuesday. I’m not really sure because both of them start with a “T” and my alarm went off at 7:25 AM, which only happens on Wednesdays, so I am truly lost.

Despite this convoluted conundrum, I went to work at my normal spot: the dining room table. Gotta love that office life! I logged on and checked my email, like usual, and instead of the peaceful hour before the start of my daily meetings, I find that I have one in five minutes. That only happens on Tuesdays! Or so I thought. Because for all I know, it could be Monday. Last week, I showed up to work on Friday and it turns out it was Saturday. I’m still not sure if I missed an entire day of work.

Next, I went to heat up my tea, but my cup already had tea leaves in it. That only happens on Monday, so I was definitely suspicious of it being Thursday. Then again, I have been able to stretch my tea leaves for multiple days, but never to Thursday! I suspected it was actually Tuesday.

As if that wasn’t confusing enough, lunch turned into a puzzle. Normally, there would be a container filled with perfectly portioned food, but there wasn’t. The fridge was empty of such leftovers which could only mean one thing: it had to be Monday. I have a hard time cooking on Sunday nights which means I normally don’t have lunch in the fridge. But based on the amount of yogurt on the top shelf, it can’t be Monday. It must, in fact, be Tuesday.

I decide to further examine the icebox for more evidence. I stumble upon a spare salad kit in the veggie drawer which tells me I went to the store the day before, therefore confirming, absolutely, that it can’t be Monday since I hate going to the grocery store on Sundays. From this point on, based on my gathered evidence, my leading guess is still Tuesday.

After my investigative lunch, I again fire up my work computer and start searching for the articles I have to write today, but alas, there are none. There only exists the menial website work that typically happens later in the week. This deters me for a second. Where are my new hire announcements? There’s only one explanation for this. It’s actually Wednesday and I have been deceived this entire time!

Only, I didn’t have my standing meeting this morning, so it can’t be Wednesday. Plus, my inbox is unnaturally quiet, which only happens on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and we already determined, based on the evidence I gathered about yogurt percentage and email frequency, that it has to be one of those two days. We are back to where we initially began. Is it Tuesday or Thursday?

I examine my attire: yoga pants and a loose sweater. This informs me that it is later in the week because I only wear comfier clothes closer to the weekend when I start to care less about my appearance. That’s a point for Thursday.

But what about the meeting? I ponder this for a moment until I realize that I have a standing morning meeting on Thursdays, every week, about a half hour after I logon for the day. It is clear now.

I know what you’re thinking, how did this take you so long? Couldn’t you have just looked at your phone? Perhaps, but then I’d have to find it. It wasn’t in my normal Monday spot and since I spent most of the day thinking it was either Tuesday or Thursday, I couldn’t find it and gave up.

But it doesn’t matter now because after wasting a half of a work day, I have finally solved it. It is Thursday.

And now (finally!) I can start my work day.