November 1976

Looking forward to voting in my first presidential election. I’m a Republican, like my daddy, but there’s no way I can vote for Mr. Ford after he pardoned President Nixon following his resignation from office. Watergate was a national disgrace, worse than the Bee Gees and the death of rock and roll. Governor Carter isn’t my first choice politically, but maybe by voting for him, I’ll send the Republican party a Bicentennial message…

November 1980

I voted for Ford in '76, but I’m thinking Carter can take us into the Pac Man era. Ronald Reagan isn’t qualified and he’s embraced a racist campaign strategy that will further divide us in ways that just won’t do anybody any good. I’m as Republican as they come, but we don’t need Lee Awtater and his bunch…

November 1984

I voted for Reagan once, but he proved a lawless rogue, lying to congress to sell weapons to start a civil war in Nicaragua and then giving the money to the Ayatollah of Iran, who I thought was our enemy. This is way worse than Nixon. I’m no fan of Mondale, but to heck with Ronnie Ray-Gun, Ollie North and their crew. This time, I’m voting to send my party a message…

November 1988

Had to vote for Reagan last time because of the economy. But I’m not voting for George Herbert Walker Bush, the real architect of Iran-Contra. I wouldn’t normally vote for a guy like Mike Dukakis, but for the good of the country…

November 1992

Okay, I voted for Bush because he said “no new taxes” and then we got new taxes. Also, a bunch of tiny banks collapsed and now we’re in a recession. My uncle lost his job and moved in with my family. I might lose my job if they move the plant from Columbus to Mexico. It’s time for a change. I hear this Bill Clinton guy is offering a third way between Democrats and Republicans. He’s got my vote. I’m pragmatic, not partisan.

November 1996

Clinton had too many affairs and I couldn’t vote for him. But now I can, because of the economy. I lost my job building air conditioners but it turns out that being an expert in coolant systems is very valuable to this company called Intel and they pay better. I bought a Mazda. Bob Dole never helped me get a Mazda. This Republican is with Bill. Sorry, Rush!

November 2000

I don’t care if Al Gore invented the internet. I traded in the Mazda for a BMW and I retired and I bought a place in Florida, where they have no winter and no income tax. I retired and I’m richer than my dad! No way I’m going to change horses now for the Bush dynasty. They aren’t even running the smart Bush. What happened to Jeb?

November 2004

Okay, I voted for Bush but it’s not like he said in advance he was going to invade Iraq. Life moved pretty fast on me. But I’m seriously considering voting for John Kerry now to make up for it. He’s an experienced war veteran who will bring our troops home and I think losing the support of a guy like me will really send a message to the Republicans.

November 2008

Okay, I voted for Bush again because I got a sweet low interest mortgage and used it to buy a boat and a vacation home in Marco Island. But now we’re in a depression and the sheriff wants to take my house and give it to JP Morgan. I’m through voting Republican. McCain is fine, I guess, but I’m not putting a loon like Palin a heartbeat away from the White House.

November 2012

We’ve moved into a rented condo because we lost both houses and I still owe on the Marco Island mortgage. Two years ago my cousin moved in with us because Mitt Romney bought and liquidated the grocery chain where he was a regional manager. Now he’s consulting for Kroger’s but doesn’t have healthcare. As soon as his Obamacare kicks in, he’s going to get his own place and we can get back on our feet. You better believe I’m voting Obama this time.

November 2016

I am never, ever voting for Donald Trump. He’s not a real Republican, he’s not a real billionaire, and he’s a racist. I don’t tolerate racism. I almost voted for Obama twice.

November 2019

This morning I got a call from a reporter at The New York Times. They want to know what it would take to get an on-the-fence Trump supporter to vote for a Democrat. I told them I’d vote for Mike Bloomberg. I totally would!