Humans. We’re one of the only species on Earth that name our television shows, and yet we are still terrible at it. Thus, I have taken the liberty of listing every single television show, why its name is confusing, and better names for it.


Sons of Anarchy

Too roundabout—your TV show should never make me think more than thirty seconds about what it could mean. Be straight and to the point!

Improved Titles:
– Anarchy Is Our Dad
– Motorcycle Friends


The Price Is Right

This one is perhaps the most baffling to me—in this show contestants are nearly always getting the price wrong, the notorious opposite of right.

Improved Titles:
– Cheering With Strangers
– A Microwave For Tabatha?


Good Morning America

Extremely presumptuous. I work the graveyard shift at the old roller rink with my cousin Toad, and when we return to our full-sized bed we can only fall asleep to Michael Strahan’s wacky hijinks.

Improved Titles:
– Good Night Sean & Toad


Full House / House of Cards

These shows sound similar and like they’re about cards, but really they couldn’t be more different and less about cards. In one, a never-ending carousel of children torture Bob Saget, and the other is about how much Kevin Spacey sucks.

Improved Titles (Full House):
– Everybody’s Here!
– The Hirsute Uncle
– House of Cards

Improved Titles (House of Cards):
– The Robin Wright Spectacular Extravaganza
– How A Bill Becomes…A Flaw (Whoa)


American Horror Story

This show is crazy town!

Improved Titles:
Crazytown


Maniac

I haven’t seen this yet but my coworkers love talking about it with my boss, leaving me to double check all of the roller skates for bugs. They’re getting valuable face time with him as they vie for the coveted arcade manager job. It’s nothing but cutthroat office politics at the roller rink.

Improved Titles:
– Sean Why Don’t You Come Hang Out Instead Of Double Checking For Bugs (SWDYCHOIODCFB)


West World

This title could not be more vague. West? World? You’ve lost me.

Improved Titles:
– Beep Boop Yeehaw
– Hot Hardcore Banging Blondes XXX [HD]


Game Of Thrones

This entire show is confusing to me and frankly needs to be made a lot simpler. Instead of six hundred characters who we all hate, there should be one main character, who is nice, and maybe some guests, who are also nice. And instead of being about geopolitical conflict in a fantasy world, it should be about something everyone can understand, like food.

Improved Titles:
– The Rachael Ray Show


Dancing With The Stars

My cousin is getting tapped for assistant arcade manager. It turns out that when we got home from our night shift, after I fell asleep to Good Night Sean & Toad, he would stay up to watch SWDYCHOIODCFB.

Improved Titles:
– Beating Up My Cousin


Masterchef Junior

This one is fine

Improved Titles:
– None

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