FAQs for the Company Reply-All Email Thread
Q: I don't seem to be getting any other emails besides the reply-all thread. Can you fix that? A: Great question! Again, sorry, but no.
Tag: Satire
The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jekyll
I had been changed into the hideous Mister Jekyll. That’s right... I WAS NO LONGER A DOCTOR!!!
8 New Amazon Prime Benefits to Make You Forget About Their Bad Working Conditions
Amazon is taking union-busting to another level. Starting next month, they’ll roll out a new feature to help customers get out of hopeless marriages.
A Guided Meditation for Your Late-Night Existential Dread
That was dumb. You broke your toe on a cheap desk. Inhale. Clear your mind of that very stupid thing you did. Exhale. Stupid.
We’d Love to Pay You More, But We’d Rather Spend It on Boats and Cocaine
It’s just not something we care to do, because of our uncontrollable desire to own all of the boats and all of the cocaine.
So You Moved to Europe and Call Yourself an Expat Now
The Trust Fund: You wanted to move to Ibiza but needed a job since your father expects you to take over the family business; you settle for Madrid.
Cold Cases Now Attributed to the Love Interest from the Backstreet Boys’ “As Long as You Love Me”
Florida resident Kevin Nick reported receipt of a package with a cryptic note reading, “Let me show you the shape of my heart.”
I’ll Carry All My Groceries Inside in One Trip, Even If It Kills Me
Multiple trips? No way. I’m not leaving anything to take in “next.” There is no “next.” There is only “bringing everything inside at once."
I Bring a Warning from the Future and My Lack of Pants Should Be Irrelevant
Oh. You're hung up on the "no pants" thing. Uh, look, time travel is an imprecise science.
My Child Is Perfect, Even Though He’s a Venomous Gila Monster
I don’t appreciate your judgment. You hurt me deeper than any wound my son has inflicted with his sharp claws.
Since You Last Beat Me at “Guess Who?” I’ve Dedicated My Life to Its Craft
Did you know that exactly 12.5% of the characters are frowning? Or that 20.8% have rosy cheeks? I did.
Just Because You Have Issues and I’m Murdering You Doesn’t Make This “Elevated Horror”
I’m sorry you have broader personal or political issues you haven’t resolved, but those have nothing to do with the ways I’ve been killing you guys.