Office | Page 11 | Points in Case

Tag: Office

Can you introduce me to any shadowy figures who run the government here?

A slew of multiple-choice questions that are, at best, only tangentially related to your actual performance or knowledge in a professional capacity.

Many, many months into quarantine, I’d like to ask, how are you? I am also obligated to wonder, how is your mental and physical health?

Are you happy with the cleanliness of your carpets even with an assistant that doesn’t ask visitors to wipe their feet when they come in?

Tragic for sure. Indeed, many of you have asked what impact the end of the world will have on your 401(k) match.

Co-founders, Mom & Pop LLC: You nurtured MY LIFE from wobbly startup to self-sustaining enterprise, and you’ll agree that it has paid dividends.

In retrospect, perhaps I shouldn’t have loudly invited every member of staff to come watch me “roast this bird” at tic-tac-toe.

I cannot believe you had the gall to march into our Farmingdale headquarters, and rather than claim your birthright, insist that you go to college.

"Her butt is coming out first," my mom's ob-gyn told her six hours into her contractions. "This baby is just not the right fit."

We wanted to take a minute as a company to step back, take a look at each other, and ask the question, "Which one of you can we fire?"

You knotted your tie into a half-Windsor. Or, as we call it here, “the coward’s Windsor.” Of course, this significantly counted against you.

You’re a little too dull for my tropical lifestyle. Sorry, I’ve had a pitcher of strawberry daiquiris, but I’ll say it again: you are BORING!