Are You at Your Boss’s Retirement Party or Orientation Day for an Eternity in Hell?
Everywhere you look, soulless old demons are worshipping the man in charge. And while there is food available, all of it is from Albertsons.
Tag: Office
Notes from the Underworld: Sisyphus’ Performance Review
NAME: Sisyphus DEPARTMENT: Underworld; Futile Labor/Endless Toil and Frustration POSITION: Boulder Administrator/Rock Coordinator
I Won My Office’s March Madness Bracket in 2019, and with These Tricks, You Can Too
Pick teams with orange as one of their colors. Orange doesn’t rhyme with anything, and neither does victory.
The Overly-Anxious, Child-Free Shopper’s Guide to Selecting a Gift for a Coworker’s Daughter’s Eighth Birthday Party
If you buy a homemade ice cream maker or a cookie decorating kit, you are contributing to the child obesity epidemic sweeping America.
Five Zoom Habits That Say “I’m Actually a Sailor from the 17th Century and I Must Return to My Time”
You’ve sworn you’ve heard the unmistakable “thunk” of a peg-leg issuing from their mic on more than one Zoom call.
Hey, Did You Take My Yogurt?
Maybe before departing, the yogurt left a note for its live-in yogurt boyfriend, who was at his company kickball league going absolutely beast mode.
As the Company’s Global Head of Sales, I Firmly Believe That Your Silence in Response to a Dozen of My Emails Means “Yes!”
I was hoping to catch up this week to discuss how our Product You’ve Never Heard Of can quadruple your annual revenue.
Subtle Modifications to Make When Your Work Conference Goes Virtual
During the ten-minute break between sessions, line up your children's stuffed animals in a giant single-file line leading directly to the bathroom.
Heyo! I’m Your Bumbling Husband and I’m Here to Take Out the Recycling During Your Zoom Meeting
Forgot I ate three cans of soup (Tuscan white bean, if you were wondering) last night and also decided to get rid of my old tambourine collection.
I Am the Reply All Button and God Am I Sexy
Yes!! Tell the whole department how unintuitive you find the system. Oh YES it’s been so hard for you to find your files since the software update.
Our Company Is One Big Family, If Families Laid Off 30% of Their Family Members
It's truly killing me that our family's goals for next year don't seem to include your position and your services will no longer be needed here.
Hey, What Day Is It?
I woke up today thinking it was Thursday, but it turns out it might be Tuesday. I’m not really sure because both of them start with a “T.”