I’m Not Pretentious, Unless It’s about Flavored Seltzer Water
Wow! A flavor of La Croix that I have never seen before! What marvel! What majesty! Bacchus blessed us with peaches and pears.
Tag: Office
I’m Every Stock Photo of a Bewildered Stock Broker, Please Help Me
Every time I wearily hang my head into my hands and grit my teeth in frustration, there’s the media, plastering my visage on every downcast article.
I’m Writing to Your Advice Column for Advice That Matches What I Already Decided to Do
So please tell me it’s a good idea to set a discrete fire in his wastebasket and blame it on his vape pen. That’s what I’m going to do.
I’m the Exclamation Mark in Your Work Emails and I’ve Had Enough
You’re that fired up about Gabe’s oatmeal raisin cookies in the break room? You’re not fooling anybody that you “dream about those bad boys!”
Dispatches from the Media Relations Desk of the Terran Starship Expedient
We can reassure our Cres’Nan allies that incidences of uncontrolled mutation are unrelated to our activities and are probably completely coincidental.
My Kink Is Regular Sex
I like sex so much, I’ll have it anywhere: a king-sized bed, a queen-sized bed, I’ll even sex on a twin as long as I’m getting punished with sex.
It’s Time to Unify Around a Single Candidate: Ted from Accounting
Even Ted’s charisma is middle of the road. He’s the type of candidate that you could get a beer with, but choose not to.
I Want to Address Any Concerns You Might Have about My Recent Search History at Work
Will I ever be able to reach my full potential? Is it too late for me to even start? Which brings us to my first search, "sexy old celebrities."
Job Hunting Tips to Find Your Next Exploiter, I Mean, Employer
In exchange for $0 an hour, disillusionment, and occasional sexual harassment, you get a letter of recommendation and two bullet points on a resume.
Company-Wide Emails That Have Interrupted My Actual Work
Friendly reminder that client bathroom is for clients only / Executive you’ve never met leaving company / Routine system maintenance this weekend
We at Disney Couldn’t Be Prouder to Show Our Commitment to Representation with 9 More Easily-Missable LGBTQ Characters
This moment in the film may not be noticeable, but you bet your ass we’ll talk about it on the press tour like we threw the first brick at Stonewall!
It’s Me, the Intern from Two Years Ago, Totally Not Begging for a Job
How are you? How's the company? I'm asking not because I care, but because I want to ensure that you still work here. You're my most valuable contact.