Are You Taking a Family Photo or Undergoing a Colonoscopy?
- There’s no chance you’ll walk away with a flattering photo. - You don’t know what to do with your arms.
Tag: Lists
Childhood Dreams, Revised for Adulthood
Childhood Dream: Live in a mansion. Adult Revision: Live next door to someone who doesn’t own a leaf blower.
Real Amazon Reviews for Decorative Fall Leaf Garland, or Family Gossip About My Bold New Hairstyle?
Doesn’t fall correctly… I don’t know what the ideal shape would be, but this wasn’t it.
Team Building Activities HR Won’t Let Me Do for Some Reason
- DIY ax throwing in the parking lot - Fish microwaving contest - Egging Janet in HR’s car (for charity)
Are You Starring in a Horror Movie or Sharing a House with Small Children?
Someone or something begins to rattle the door back and forth as if trying to force it open. Suddenly, it stops.
8-Year-Old Going Trick or Treating, or 28-Year-Old Looking for a Good Paying Job?
You’re ashamed to be wearing something from Goodwill while everyone you know is wearing something gifted to them by their rich parents.
“Friends” Episode or Me Ordering a Shitty Microbrew I Can’t Remember the Name of by Describing the Stupid Label?
How you doin' (on this quiz)? Remember “The One with the Cake” and “The One with the Baby on the Bus”?
Ants in My Pants, and Other Animal Conundrums
I have a bug in my mug. I have electric eels in my high heels. I have a giraffe in my carafe.
Other Pluralizations for Fans of “Attorneys General”
You're going to love taking phrases like "rodeos clown" and "bottlenoses dolphin" out for a spin!
Weekly To-Don’t List
Monday: Put on the same underwear you wore yesterday. Mistake a wolf for your grandma.
Reasons Why This Page Was Left Intentionally Blank
Moment of silence but for a page. Total accident and someone is definitely getting fired.
Services I’m Offering as a Striking Writer
Providing an extra hand for “light as a feather stiff as a board” at your next sleepover / Watching your ex’s Instagram story and reporting on their whereabouts