I plan to hit the ground running, and then run some more, and then more, then hit a wall, and then puke on your open laptop.
Living the past 16 years as the solitary Snapple left in the "Friends" fridge, I cherish what I have, even if it’s only the royalties from reruns.
Despite what you see on the Zoom, I don’t sunburn easily. (When we can't think of a fun fact, my current boss tells us to try a humblebrag.)
Have a visible breakfast of two croissants, orange juice, and a glass of red wine on Zoom. Complain how you had to make the croissants by hand.
You knotted your tie into a half-Windsor. Or, as we call it here, “the coward’s Windsor.” Of course, this significantly counted against you.
How did you hear about us? From cousin Annie at Thanksgiving or cousin Tom at Christmas?
Top 10 Grown-Up Salary Jobs You Can Excel at While Simultaneously Homeschooling Your Children, Allowing Time for Things like Sleep
Maybe you should have married into more money because it turns out teaching IS its own job: a 2020 "In-The-Time-of-Coronavirus" jobs list.
Charge your own phone so it is 207% charged at all times. It is important because you need to keep reminding the boss to charge her own phone.
My boss trusted me enough to get coffee and sometimes even pick up an occasional muffin. In addition, I became well-versed in Excel.
The cover letter is the most recycled paper item in the world; what you’re reading is a repurposed version of one that I sent to Whole Foods.
Do you know what you get for being a “hero”? Nothin'. So you might as well find a job that doesn't involve terrorizing low-income communities.
Which of the following pieces of equipment can be carried off-duty by employees and even concealed? A) Avocado Masher B) SIG Sauer P320 Pistol