Prioritize Your Hobbies – If it’s important to you, you can be a full-time accountant and a full-time serial killer. You just have to take the time for what really matters. Remember: You either make the time to create the death you want, or you’re going to be spending a lot of time with the life you don’t want.

Write Down Your Objective – A goal without a plan is just a crime fantasy. So, write down your kill list, and refer back to it often. This will help keep on task.

Be Realistic – Now and then, you have to accept that some bloody rampages won't be successful, and that's ok.

Plan Ahead – This will ensure you don't run out of ball-gags and zip-ties when you need them. Anticipate your future needs—escape routes, an alibi, a patsy. Also, pack a healthy snack because you’re going to need your strength.

Have a Plan B – You never know who is going to interrupt your ritualistic killing, so it's best to be flexible and accept that change is part of the process.

Don't Procrastinate – Do your most important task first thing in the morning—dismember a body, write a taunting note to authorities, or polish your victim trophies. Whatever. Just get it done. It makes the rest of your day so much more enjoyable.

Learn to Delegate – It's nice to have a psychopathic friend or dimwitted nephew who can do some of the more mundane tasks related to the catch and kill of other humans like shopping and cleaning. That frees you up for showtime!

Stay on Schedule – If you're a morning person, kill in the morning. If you're a night person, kill at night. Find a schedule that works for you and stick to it. Think of it as finding your psycho-cadian rhythm.

Say No – Sometimes you have to ask yourself, “Do I really have the time and energy to slaughter this gym teacher?” Sometimes the answer is, sadly, no.

Make it a Habit – That way, death and violence are just part of your typical day. Practice makes perfect. Sure, it might feel awkward at first. But in just 21 days, you’ll adjust and form a new pattern that just feels right.

Batch Similar Tasks Together – Could you torch two bodies in one burn barrel? Could you save time by stalking multiple co-eds at once? Could you dispose of multiple killing tools in the same river? Get creative.

Multitasking Leads to Mistakes – Doing too many things at once just adds up to more stress. So, eliminate distractions, concentrate, and focus on one slaying at a time. This also helps you stay in the moment and remember why you got into the serial killing game in the first place.

Schedule Breaks – Everyone needs time to rest, recharge, and throw the police off their tracks. Take a vacation. Travel. Unwind. You’ll find that a little down time will drastically improve your killing productivity when you’re back to business.

Use Your Sundays – Spend time with friends and family. Recharge. And get ready for the week ahead by doing some preparation and planning. And use the downtime to wash the DNA out of your trunk.

Simpler is Better – If you're a strangler, then strangle. A stabber, then stab. Don’t overcomplicate things. Keep It Simple Stupid.

Have Fun! – After all, isn't that what it's all about? Well, fun and revenge for an overbearing mother. But mostly fun!


And now a quick joke...

I wish more people were fluent in silence.