• Author's Note
  • Introduction
  • 1. Who Really Needs Charging, Me or My Case? The Ongoing Enigma
  • 2. “Ear-Shaped” and Other Impossibly Unrealistic Performance Standards
  • 3. For the Love of All that is Holy, Please, Clean Me: Earwax Woes
  • 4. “Why All the Audiobooks? You Have Eyes!” and Other Daily Musings
  • 5. Covering My Case with a Hoodie on the Passenger Seat to Keep It Out of the Sight of Potential Car Robbers: A Very Clever Apple Customer
  • 6. “If You Tap Me Once/You're a Silly Fellow/But If You Tap Me Twice/Siri Will Say Hello” and Other Helpful Rhymes I've Learned
  • 7. “Please, Just Put Taylor Swift's Folklore and Evermore on Repeat” and More of My Deepest Desires
  • 8. My Companion Was “Shared” and Trapped in a Stranger's Ear Canal While I Helplessly Watched: Traumatic Events from my Youth and My Healing Process
  • 9. If You Drop Me, YES, Your Music Will Pause in BOTH Ears
  • 10. Lost in the Sheets: Daily Struggles of Finding My Way Back to the Charger
  • 11. The Benefits of the “Noise-Cancelling” Feature Aren't Entirely One-Sided: The Inside Scoop
  • Epilogue
  • Acknowledgments