Mike: What if they threw a world and nobody showed up?
Me: Huh?
Mike: Like what if we all just didn't participate?
Me: In what?
Mike: Everything, man. Everything.
Me: I think that would be impossible.
Mike: Yeah, but that's only because you lack imagination.

Made in USA barcodeWe should boycott all restaurants that don't use organic meats because chickens and cows very clearly have feelings that we as a nation need to recognize. We should also boycott all restaurants that have any sort of stance on gay and lesbian marriage. We should boycott any restaurant that fails to provide health insurance for its employees and we should boycott all eateries and markets that even consider utilizing genetically modified crops because they are evil and scary. We should boycott segues because they are often unnecessary and done clumsily.

Every person is truly, in their heart of hearts, an American who wants to take back their country from the corporations and the evil media.We should boycott all television shows because they rot brains and we should boycott all politicians and politics because they are controlled by evil corporations that should be boycotted because they are evil. If it's not made in the USA it should be boycotted because we have an unemployment issue here and our citizenry is screaming out for a chance to work twenty hours a day with soldering guns. We should boycott any product if it is made in the USA and it's not made by union labor because The Man has forced the working class into the unprotected class but we should also boycott all the union products because unions are socialism and communism waiting to happen.

We should boycott all weapons because they are used to kill people and all prisons because they are inhumane. We should boycott all vehicles and transportation methods of all kinds (even horses) because they release gasses into the air and those gasses help make the world hotter and a hot world is no fun unless you're Canadian and you're not Canadian because every person is truly and really, in their heart of hearts, an American who wants to take back their country from the corporations and the politicians and the evil media that we should also remember to boycott because everything they tell us is controlled by the people who own them and the people who own the media have no interest in badmouthing themselves.

We should boycott all the banks because they steal our purchasing power and make it harder and harder to eke out a living every year. We should boycott the utility companies and cable companies and phone companies because they are all monopolies and anti-competitive polices are anti-American which is also why we should boycott all professional sports with anti-trust laws, which is pretty much all of them.

We should boycott our currency because it is fiat and backed by absolutely nothing more than the confidence of a country that has collectively lost its confidence over the past forty years. We should boycott the fish in the lakes because of poison and the cows on land because of hormone manipulation. We should boycott tap water because it ain't pure and we should boycott illegal drugs that are. We should boycott the pharmaceutical industry because they have made money-slaves out of a populace that needs to just die and we should boycott the funeral industry because no one needs an ostentatious goodbye-it's just tacky.

We should boycott religion and God in Heaven because of wars and disease and famine and we should boycott the internet because I'm pretty sure it represents perversion and hedonism and all that is wrong with a generation of kids who for some darn reason, just don't have any respect for the elders that made such a great world for them to live in.

We need to change the world for the better. We need to believe in stuff, stand up for the stuff we believe in, get pushed down as a result, stand up again and explain to the world that we will not be controlled by a society that allows a world to wither and die or an economy to benefit only a select few.

And we know what we have to do.

We should boycott everything.

Except for hookers.

I mean, a man got needs, you know…