As you prepare for your flight, we would like you to know that we have done everything in our power to ensure your safety and comfort, besides fully staffing our crew, performing routine maintenance in the last 20 years, or keeping the supplies needed for basic operation in stock.
In the unlikely event of an emergency during the flight, please remember that we’ve done the best we can and any emergency situation is completely out of our control. Because we genuinely care about your positive experience with our airline, we’ve provided this complimentary guide to self-care in the remote possibility that you experience some distress during your flight which could certainly not be caused by our own negligence.
In the very unlikely event of an emergency, please remember that stress is a normal response to abnormal situations which we’ve somehow failed to predict. There is no need to fixate on future problems before they arise by preemptively discussing a plan for an emergency situation which may never occur. Look to our flight crew as a shining example of living in the present; the fluster of imminent crises has no effect on their blissfully laissez-faire attitude.
Instead of focusing on the turbulence that we have been experiencing for the past hour, focus on the things you can control. Take a deep breath. Make use of the breathing techniques that we have posted around the cabin. In the extremely unlikely event that we suddenly lose airlift stability, make plans to do something you enjoy. It feels good to look forward to something, like a hot bubble bath and a glass of wine, instead of obsessing over the possibility that the loose flapping part that you can see from your window may contribute to your untimely death.
In the incredibly unlikely event that the cabin begins to lose air pressure, please remain calm. You have no choice other than to remain calm. We did not plan for anything else. We are counting on you to keep it together so we do not have to address your collective trauma. Should the cabin lose air pressure, please place your personal self-purchased oxygen mask over your own mouth and nose before attempting to assist others. If you were unable to purchase an oxygen mask before the flight, we have graciously provided one oxygen mask per seating section so please take the time now to connect with your neighbors and discuss a plan to share them.
After securing your own oxygen mask, please take a moment to ground yourself, remembering that you cannot effectively assist others during an abrupt loss of altitude if you have not first taken care of your own emotional well-being. Smile, take a deep breath, and relax. Even a smile that feels forced can dramatically lift your mood and put those around you more at ease even as they gasp for breath and beg for help. Please take the opportunity to make use of the guided meditations available on your headset in the extraordinarily unlikely event that the aircraft begins unexpectedly plummeting from the sky for reasons beyond our control or understanding. If you are a person of spirituality, use this opportunity to check in with your higher power.
We recognize how difficult stress-management and avoiding air travel “burnout” is when your own negative mindset continues to misinterpret situations as threats to your own physical safety. Although learning self-care is challenging, we are here to support you, which is why we will be providing helpful self-care tips over the P.A. system every five minutes to take your mind off of that clunky rattling noise coming from the engine.
Please relax and enjoy your flight.