Sticky Notes and Stalkers: A Day in the Life of a Maestro

3/25 Tchaikovsky Rehearsal

Bring briefcase, baton, scores, banana

Keep hydrated

Remember: don’t slouch, look intense, check fly

WHEN PEOPLE GET TO KNOW ME
THEY REALLY LIKE ME.

Get clock from Yup

Find out who’s leaving inappropriate sticky notes in score.

Careful with podium (big step up) this time

Tell orchestra they did good job last weekend.

String spots much improved

Horn articulations did not sound “flatulent”
(Reichmann’s concert review way off base)

(NOTE: Mutes for next weekend)

EVERY DAY, IN EVERY WAY,
I AM GETTING BETTER AND BETTER

Don’t forget to tune
(short black thing in back/right = oboe)

Start Rehearsal Strong

Say SOMETHING INSPIRATIONAL

What Tchaikovsky called the 5th Symphony:

“a complete resignation before fate”

CORRECTION:
Wikipedia says “Allegro con anima” does too mean
“Quick with animation” (not “Quick rectal cleanse”)

Start at M. 38 – Cue clarinet (other short black thing in back)

But don’t make him nervous with eye contact

S-l-o-w upbeat, do not freak him out

Do not forget what he did to the Brahms last concert

I FORGIVE ANYONE WHO HAS HURT ME IN THE PAST.

ITS ME AGAIN !

XOXO

Mvt II “Animando”
(Italian: look up in Wikipedia – “like animals”?)

Measure 144 – String duplets –> What The Heck?

Nobody is counting. Everybody is lost.

DEPRESSION IS JUST A STEPPING STONE

Tell them practice on your own at home.

8:30 PM – Break Time (They hate when you forget!)

Leave podium quickly (don’t trip), go to dressing room

Do not make eye contact with

Pedro the Trumpet Player (dent was probably already there)

or creepy Principal Second Violin with the piercings

8:45 PM – Mvt III “Valse”

Fix Cellos (too slow/heavy)

Horns and brass are Way Too Slow!

“Valse” Is A Dance (“Valise” is a baggage)

What’s Creepy Girl’s name? She’s always staring at me.

Mollie?

Make her stop writing down everything you say

Just Play!!

Measure 89 – Second Violins -> What The Heck?

Try to sing the phrasing for the violins again.
(I think they like it)

Can’t Molly cue them with her bow? Does she ever blink?

Ask new concertmaster (“Peng-Peng”? Sp.?) for bowing advice

Tell them This Is Unacceptable! with a big strong voice.

Make each violin stand/play part alone.   Set the tone!

I EXUDE PURPOSE AND JOY

FORGIVE ME IF THIS IS COMPLETLY INAPROPRIATE. I DON’T KNOW HOW ELSE TO SAY IT WITHOUT GETTING TACKY.

EVERYMORNING I WATCH YOUR APARTMENT WINDOW

JUST TO SEE YOUR SHADOWS ON THE CURTAIN.

I WANT U 2 B MY BABY DADDY!!

Mvt IV “Finale”

Not working out. Definitely mute horns

Measure 1: Stringed instruments already out-of-tune

CORRECTION: there is too a low F double-sharp on the violin:
Tell them it’s supposed to be just the G-string with no fingers.

Measure 392 – it’s only poco crescendo
(The long brown things in back are too loud too fast)

Vln II (esp.Mollie) –
Don’t stop playing and write down every single thing I say. Don’t pull out the nose ring during the rests, don’t jab it back in and smile at me like that

Just Play!!!!

Q for Yup: Can we please fire Mollie for something?

I KNOW YOUR SCEDULE.

YOU DO HAVE TIME FOR ME

Measure 418 – now brown things can be loud

Then at Measure 428 – “Sempre con tutta forza”

(Tell them this means “very loud”)

Too wimpy! Keep playing loud!

Measure 436 – It’s supposed to be “Molto Vivace” – much faster!

They’re not even paying attention, they’re
just smiling at each other. Tell them: Watch my beat!!

I LOVE AND RESPECT MY BODY

NOTE: Move arms faster.

ALL THE BANANAS IN YOUR BRIEFCASE
TASTE CONFUSING. U SHOULD EAT ORANGES WHICH HAVE VITAMINS FOR YOUR MUSCLES.

Measure 482 – Everybody needs to be even louder than before.

It’s just all too weak. like diarrhea. Figure out
something to tell them.

Horns should blow harder

Why do flutes always sound so soft and depressing?

STRING PLAYERS RESPECT CONDUCTORS
WHO MAKE EDUCATED SUGGESTIONS
BUT QUICKLY BECOME SUSPICIOUS.

Q for concertmaster: can violins maybe put on louder strings?

IS MY PERSONALITY CAPTIVATING AND INTERESTING?

I SEE YOU LOOKING AT THAT NEW CONCERTMASTER!
PENGPENG DOES EVERYTHING YOU SAY.
BUT SHE’LL NEVER LOVE YOU LIKE ME!!
WHY CAN’T YOU SEE!!!

Measure 490 – fff – as loud as you can play

Trumpets “marciale, energico” = “like energetic soldiers”

Strings JUST ALL TOO WIMPY

Ask new concertmaster can they press down the bows harder?
(And Where is Peng-Peng? Why doesn’t she come anymore?)

I LUV MY LOUD CONDUCTOR BOI SOOOO MUCH!!!

U MAKE ME THINK EVIL THOUHTS.

I WANNA SURPRISE YOU W/SOMETHING SPECIAL

Measure 503 – sfff – Everybody in the back should be blowing
their long black/brown things as hard as they can

Measure 504 – Presto – even faster

And let Lee know you heard him telling cellos to fake it!

Maybe Peng-Peng has a bowing?

NOTE: Where the heck did Peng-Peng go?

Measure 546 – ffff – More More MORE!

I’M INTERCONNECTED
WITH EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE

End rehearsal on time (10:00 pm?)
(Yup says orchestra players have families)

Ask Yup about where is Peng-Peng

Check where funny smell is coming from.

Leave quickly

(but do not trip)

NOW WE CAN FINALLY BE TOGETHER!!!!
DON’T LOOK UNDER THE PODIUM. (NOISES SHOULD SUBSIDE W/TIME)