Kristen: Whaddup class of 09!!! I live in Portland now so no chance I’ll make it back to G-town in time for the reunion, but party your asses off! Haha, that’s something we say in Portland.

Derek: Man! 10 years! Can you believe it? Remember that one time Tommy pulled the fire alarm as the senior prank? Maaaaaan crazy times.

Shawn: Yeah, Tommy is in jail now. Apparently he pulled the fire alarm in a mall.

Leslie: No, I heard Tommy went to the slammer for taxes.

Derek: Anyone know what jail Tommy is in? Maybe we could bring the reunion to him! Would be like the good ole days!

Nina: How much are tickets? I don’t get paid until Friday :/

Shawn: We have to pay? Shit, this is like prom all over again. Anyone wanna spot me?

Jenny: Yes, tickets are $150!!! We are adults now with real jobs, so we can afford $150 to see our old classmates. Cocktail attire, too! NO tennis shoes. We got the banquet room at a Friday’s and they have a VERY strict dress code.

Nina: Can I pay Saturday? What’s your Venmo?

Jenny: Hey, girl! Did you go to Northeast High? I don’t remember a Nina! Let me know!

Nina: Yeah, I was president of our DARE chapter.

Jenny: Crazy! I don’t remember that AT ALL. Guess it didn’t work on me. *cries laughing* Of course, you can Venmo me Saturday! Can’t wait to see you, girlie!

Nicole: Hey, guys! Sorry, I’m stranded in Italy — god, I wish it was as close as Portland! I don’t have much time off, so unfortunately, I can’t make the trek across the pond. But have fun, and hopefully I’ll be at the 15-year reunion if I’m not living in Rome!

Jenny: Hi, guyssss!!! I need a headcount before I tell the bar how many White Claws to stock. Like this if you plan to party like it’s 2009!!!

Linley: I’ll come if spouses are allowed! My husband owns his own business, so he’ll need to make sure he doesn’t have any meetings that night. Thanks loves!!! Can’t wait!

Tommy: Shit, really? I’m not in jail.

Shawn: Haha, sorry man.

Tommy: It’s all good bro. I got out a few days ago. State always mad about late child support.

Shawn: All right!! Let’s party! Maybe we can take a few beers down to the baseball field like old times.

Linley: Hi, just checking in again! My husband has a really important meeting with a potential client and can’t miss it! Can’t make it but everyone have SO much fun!!! Aw, I love you guys!

Jenny: We have a confirmed 15 people. C’mon, guys, high school reunions are a tradition and I heard everyone from the class of ‘08 showed up for their reunion and we’re better than them! Let’s show them!

Tommy: Where the after party at?

Derek: Linley, you can come without your husband, haha.

Linley: I would feel better if he was with me! I don’t know, I’m just weird like that, I guess! I like having him around so none of you guys hit on me!!!

Derek: Trust me, we won’t.

Linley: That’s rude! Praying God softens your wicked heart.

Andre: Hey, everyone!!!!!!! FINALLY, our time is HERE! Kind of off topic, but still SUPER relevant: If anyone is interested, I’m looking for 10 volunteers to try this amazing NEW lipstick line. I work at Ulta and I would never tell those customers, but these lipsticks are better than anything in that store. Message me if you’re interested in becoming part of the BEST lipstick marketing team in the country and want to earn $200,000 PER MONTH! LOVE to all!

Nina: Ah, crap. This is the wrong group.

Join upcoming November classes in Satire Writing, Sketch Writing, and Stand-Up Joke Writing.