Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
Because at VERMO Liquid Ant Baits, we don’t sell insecticide. We sell experiences.
For safety, we’re tying you right to the tip of the rocket—far from the hot hot thrusters. You’ll also get plenty of SPF to protect you.
He got together with all the angels, Betty White, and your childhood dog, and they had a long hard think about how things are going down here.
I’m so jealous of guys like you who can just sit at a table like this for hours and hours without literally moving a muscle—must be nice.
We don't even know him, what if this kickass party goes to waste because your baby ends up being a loser or something?
Just imagine the most unbelievable venue design I’ve ever seen is right behind his bald, moon-shaped head.
You think you know a person and then they run off with 29 of your closest friends to do a smash-and-grab.
Uh oh, you're back into the ol' overdraft - just two minutes after being paid. Thoughts and, of course, prayers, Emily.
If there wasn’t something more to it, I would be pretty bored and not have a good shot at turning it into a series of Pulitzer Prize-winning articles.
When I dared him to grant me one wish, I should have known that a quite expansive piece of sandy land would appear right where I was standing.
Fool me three times, there’s a little bit of shame to go around here. Admittedly, maybe I should have caught on to your character by now.
Max acknowledges that you are now an out lesbian with a live-in girlfriend and three dogs so he has suggested the following addendums.