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“I am caught in this bear trap and I’m in grave danger” is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Tight up there with “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”
Obviously, nobody wants to hear the funny thing I wrote, right? I know you’re all staring at me, since my laugh set off the smoke alarms.
Just glancing at this green expanse makes me burst with joy. It is the same feeling I had on my wedding day, and on the day you were born.
Take it from me, the CEO who only has your best interests at heart: There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for everything
Lou had the t-shirt cannon, we made hard eye contact, and then he shoots the cannon in the complete opposite direction.
The crumbs in my bed sheets, the chocolate smear on my PJs—I don’t know, maybe I wanted to get caught.
When learning how to read an analog clock. He raised his hand and guessed the time was “beer thirty.” It was 11:18 AM.
Let’s pray this doesn't happen a third time. For peace of mind, I encourage you to hug your loved ones, renew your passport, liquidate assets, etc.
SpaghettAI involves unfathomable computing power, a series of data centers in Tuscany, and a gargantuan tub of tomato sauce in the metaverse.
You think my child is a heinous sociopath because she killed your family cat? Ever heard of formaldehyde and Damien Hirst? It's called art.
It goes without saying that when you've sniffed wax with as many husbands in home décor stores as I have, you tend to get jaded.
Fairweather Friend Season commences with the onset of colder temperatures, and/or bird migration, and/or closed-toed shoes.